My boyfriend has a low sex drive. HELP!
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|Thu, 06-16-2011 - 3:55pm|
Here's the deal. My boyfriend and I have been
together for almost 5 years. We're both 24
today. He is a wonderful man, very loving and
romantic, he is family-oriented, makes me laugh
to tears, we can talk about any topic, we share
the same projects in the future, and we see
life in a similar way. When I met him I knew he
had everything I was looking for. I just adore
him and he makes me feel very happy and
fortunate to have him in my life. Badly for me,
it wasn't long until I found out he had a very
low sex drive.
At the beginning of our relationship we
couldn't have sex very often because we were
dating and we both lived in our parents' houses
(usually crowded with people). We'd have to
find a motel most of the times to have sex.
The low frequency of our sexual encounters
didn't concern me because we didn't always have
enough money to pay for hotels. Whenever we
have sex even now it's great. He seems to enjoy
it a lot and everything is fine. The thing is I
started to discover that he wasn't as
interested in sex as I was. WHenever we were
alone in my or his house I wanted to take
advantage and he just didn't.
Our relationship is so wonderful, and I thought
I was being too demanding. I thought maybe he
needed time or he needed to grow up, or
something. I have been very understanding all
the time. I thought maybe I just had to spice
things up. I've tried sex toys, suggesting new
ideas, new positions, everything. This has
worked some of the time but most of the time my
efforts are worthless. He doesn't seem to want
to talk about it. Whenever we touch a sexual
topic he seems uncomfortable and changes it.
We moved in together a year ago. I thought that
by being together everyday our sex rhythm would
increase. I was wrong. We still have sex once
every two (even three) weeks. When I put some
pressure on it, and if I get lucky, we have sex
once a week.
The thing is, I can think of very little times
when he's started sex. I start sex about 95% of
the time. I feel very rejected all the time
because most of my suggestions are turned down.
I've grown to feel very frustrated and to start
jumping to many theories. Is he gay? Is he not
attracted to me anymore? Does he not like sex?
Is his religion a problem because we're not
Another thing that concerns me is that we've
had very intense sexual encounters about three
or four times in our whole relationship. I call
these "episodes." Where he let out all of his
animal instincts and we had hot, wild sex. One
time we had sex about 7 times in one day.
Another time he woke me in the middle of the
night for hot sex. After each episode I thought
to myself "this is it! from now on everything
will be different." And it just wasn't. After
that everything went back to normal. I'm
concerned because I know all that potential
exists. I know he wants me. I know he enjoys
sex. I know deep inside he's a normal guy.
What's holding him back?
See, he's very loving and keeps telling me how
attracted he is to me. He touches me all the
time in sexual spots. I don't know if this is
genuine or if he does so just to make me feel
less bad about our sex life. The touching in
sexual spots almost never ends in sex. He can
touch my boob with a naughty look and then
continue watching TV as if nothing happened.
I have to say that I have a good self-esteem
and that I consider myself a beautiful, sexy
woman. Also my sex drive is very high. I'm very
fiery and very intense. I've had previous
relationships where sex was great. I feel like
I don't deserve not feeling sexy and being
rejected when so many other guys would be all