Is my marriage doomed?
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|Fri, 01-22-2010 - 5:05pm|
I feel really odd writing about this (not usually something I talk about openly). My husband and I are absolutely perfect for each other. We have an amazing friendship and a deep intense love for one another. We're attracted to each other of course and there's only one thing that we ever fight about and it's sex.
We've been married 2 years. I was a virgin and he was not (usually the case because men can't seem to say no) but he wasn't into girls who gave it up easily so he's only been with one other girl. He seems to think that sex should be this constant awesome amazing magical experience and I think it crushed him when he found out that it's not the way it is in movies and in porn. At least it's not with me. He'd never leave because of an unfulfilling sex life (he loves me waaay too much), but I know that he's disappointed in the hand he was dealt.
I, on the other hand, could stand to have sex even less. I'd never tell him so (tried this early on and it was not a good idea). He agreed to back off on the constant asking and initiating and I agreed to initiate more often. He understands that I'm built a bit differently than he is and that my sex drive isn't quite where his is. He thought it was him at first and that I didn't find him sexually desirable! I had to put forth a lot of effort to convince him otherwise. So I just decided that if we've somehow gone 3 days without it I initiate without complaints and pretend to be really into it to make him happy. He doesn't know I do this and it seems to be working, but will it work like this forever? I kinda dread it, but I value our marriage too much to be selfish. The sex is ok while it's going on, but I always feel a bit crappy afterward.
I've talked to my doctor and there's nothing wrong with me. I just have a low libido. He said the only thing I can do is talk to my husband but I have no idea how that could even solve anything. I've tried a book and sexy massage games but everything else makes me laugh and is embarrassing (which turns him off). The only thing that really works is what we're doing which is actually enjoyable for me maybe 20% of the time.
What do I do? Is my marriage doomed?