My mini success story

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
My mini success story
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 3:22am

Hi guys, you don't know me but I know you lol! I've lurked on this board for a couple years and I've found some tremendous help and reassurance on here.

Here's my story in a nutshell:

DH and I have been married for nearly 5 years. We both started out fairly HL (We were 19 when we got married so that couldn't have hurt :). After I had our son 3 1/2 years ago, my libido went way down. I think it was a combination of stress, muddled hormones, and feeling unnatractive due to weight gain. DH assured me I was still beautiful to him, but it's hard to feel sexy when you are at a less than ideal weight.

Anyhow, we've had ups and downs, sexually. I know I hurt DH's feelings a lot, because he felt I was not attracted to him. My biggest obstacle seemed/seems to be getting in the mood. Once there I'd be ok :)

I started branching out to other IV boards and stumbled on the Fantasies board, and realized that reading some of those steamy stories gets me excited enough that I het over whatever hesitation I had and am ready to go with DH :)

I have since found some other sites that have steamy stories, and those help too. Now, I'm getting back to where I used to be before I had the baby, and can come up with the fantasy stories on my own. I guess all I needed was a little jump start!

Anyway, I wanted to share in case this would help someone else who has trouble getting the engine to turn over :)

best of luck to you all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 8:39am

Wow, you sound EXACTLY like my wife!
I just wish she popped into this board from time to time since I know she occasionally visits the other IV boards.

Thanks so much for checking back in with your updates, we always like to experience some success stories on this board, even if it is vicariously !

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 11:23am
Congratulations! Thanks for sharing.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 3:28am

Thanks, guys! I'm not 100% "cured" but it really helps. I'd say I'm about 75% back to who I was before, sex-wise. What I viewed as a complete disinterest in sex was really just my inhibition holding me back. As soon as I got "interested" enough, my inhibition would fly out the window lol. We've even tried new things recently that I never would have thought would be fun, simply because I've researched them and found that they're not as scary as I once thought. Knowledge is power :D Lol.

I think that once you learn about something, the "scariness" of it goes away, at least somewhat. I learned this when I was pregnant; I was absolutely terrified of giving birth, until I researched it thoroughly and talked to other women who had given birth (I was only 20 at the time, so it hadn't occurred to me that it would be as painful as it was until I actually got pregnant, lol).

I know that's a strange example, but it's true. I was afraid of most things about sex (besides "vanilla" sex) until I researched them. I read those steamy stories, checked out the various iVillage boards on sex, and even checked out a few online wiki articles lol. (Can you tell I'm a Super Geek?) I was shocked at how happy my DH was that I was doing that. I figured he'd be... I don't know, maybe upset that I was using outside stimulation to "turn myself on" but he really was supportive of it. And it's been a relief to me not to have to force myself to be aroused when I'm not; now I can get help in those areas.

Now porn, on the other hand... I tried watching one once and got so embarrassed I couldn't keep watching lol! But stories are a happy medium for me :)

I really hope you guys find a way to make your relationships work. Good luck in everything! And, nj_taltos, if your wife wants to chat to me let me know! Lol :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 3:55am

Oh, another thing I have started doing is to challenge myself to live out all his (reasonable) fantasies. That is actually a lot more fun than I would have guessed! Seeing the look on his face when I... well, I won't go there. But it's way worth it :)

Sorry I'm sharing so much, I am hoping that what I write will help someone else who is LL for the same reasons that I am/was.