Need help understanding my LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Need help understanding my LL
18
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 5:11pm

Hi.

2010 Siggy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 7:02pm

Hi and welcome. I guess the logical question is: has sex ever excited you? With anyone? If the answer is no, then you're probably just naturally LL. This doesn't mean you can't try to discover new aspects of your sexuality, but that you should also work on accepting yourself (lovingly) the way you are now. If, on the other hand, sex HAS excited you in the past, then it suggests your DH isn't doing it for you in some way. The next step would be to figure out if he can change something in his presentation (appearance, technique, foreplay, making you feel desired all day, whatever) to get you more inspired.

HTH Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 3:51am

Are you getting enough sleep and support?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:44am

You asked if sex has ever excited me?

2010 Siggy
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 12:59pm

I think you are on to something.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 1:36pm

I agree with the posters who encouraged you

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 4:19am
Agree with this sentiment - for me, willingness to understand and accept and make an effort is perhaps 80% of the way for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 7:34pm

Yes, and something about a string of piss-poor excuses from a LL that you both know are falsehoods just adds fuel to the fires of discontent for the HL. I would have so appreciated my DW just admitting that she didn't know why her desire dropped but she was willing to go through the motions to please me as best she could and maybe with time and a little discovery, things would return to what they were.


It wasn't until I put all of my DW's 'reasons' to the test by facilitating each and every one that the real issue surfaced. Sure, we're divorcing now, but we both seem happier than we have been in a long time and I feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 9:13pm
...I don't often take up the LL stance...but, I have to say that during my first marriage, each and every reason I had for not wanting to have sex was true at the time...I really did think that breast feeding was lowering my libido (I still do...for me...I know each woman is different...he was an 10 bruiser who ate non-stop for 8 months...so, when I finally got him to sleep at night the last thing in the world that I wanted was a man on top or underneath or behind me...I was all touched out)...I really thought that if I went back to school...if I had more time to work out...if I had help around the house...that I would want to have sex...the truth I see now (many years removed) is that I didn't want to have sex with him...that was my problem...so, at least in some cases (maybe your wive's) the LL is lying...but, in some cases (mine in particular) I was being honest...I was hoping that the reasons that I came up with were real...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 4:16am

a wave of personal growth

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 4:29am

DW certainly related to the LL during breastfeeding - the exhaustion, touched-out feeling and the effects of oxcytocin all took their toll - and the breastfeeding was very extended.


I was prepared for that and was fully supportive of it, even if it meant minimal sex.

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