<< I think the essential thing is to have objectives and timescales... >>
I agree that equitable giving of love is not like changing shifts at the cash register where the money is reconciled every few hours. However, if we allow the balance to swing in one direction for too long (barring uncontrollable circumstances), genuine love begins to falter and, IMHO, we're either feeding love or poisoning it -
Agree there's a complicity and both parties have contributed, even if it's only by putting up with the situation.
Also, my wife is putting me to the test in this area. Although living in the same home (which is for sale), I have not spoken to her other than when necessary since she separated our finances (to put theft politely) on April 1st.
Yesterday, she used a mutual friend to ask me what it would take to reconcile. I replied that DW would have to be without her co-dependent friend *and* without me for as long as I have been without my DW for no good reason since she chose friend over me (11 months). Then, and only then, would I begin to think about reconciliation. No guarantee we would reconcile but in the meantime, DW would regain the relationship with D18 they is now at a complete loss due to her relationship with said 'friend.'
Mutual friend asked me if that wasn't asking a bit too much and I replied that I would spare DW the betrayal for those 11 months and that DW was actually coming out ahead on the deal.
You're most welcome Miranda.
My new gf is only jealous of one other woman in my life... 'justice.'
Similar to Solomon's 'wisdom,' I refer to her in the feminine, praise her endlessly, and give her the
Ugh, what a description of my life
Not pretty, but thanks for the illumination.
<< While I am pretty good at being understanding and compassionate and generous, that simply doesn't work if, over a period of years, my needs are not being met... >>
My new theory about genuine love is that it must be deeply ensconced in justice and equity or it falls short of the intended purpose for it. To allow oneself to be cheated is to cheat oneself, now making both parties thieves.
Even the selfish party has suffered when the other gives inequitably,
Well, I didn't want to be in the blame game here, and we are all pretty good at self-justification I guess.
DW certainly related to the LL during breastfeeding - the exhaustion, touched-out feeling and the effects of oxcytocin all took their toll - and the breastfeeding was very extended.
I was prepared for that and was fully supportive of it, even if it meant minimal sex.
a wave of personal growth