Need help/advice/whatever...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Need help/advice/whatever...
15
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 3:09pm

This is the first time I have ever been here, but I really need some advice/help.


I am 37 years old and have little to no desire for sex. My DH and I have been together 18 1/2 years, married for 17 this summer. I love him very much and do want to be with him. I do find him attractive and I do love to have sex with him when we do. The problem is I really don't ever feel in the mood at all (well, at least 99.9% of the time).


I am a SAHM to two toddlers, 1 year old and

~Dawn


stress4-1.jpg picture by bunzer2003

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 9:27pm

<< I mean, like he only wants me now 'cause I am thinner? Part of me thinks this, but he swears NO.>>

Later in your post you say your LL has nothing to do with your DH, but the above statement suggests there may be some resentment lurking in the background...

<>

Do you LOVE sex with him from start to finish? If so, what is stopping you from saying "yes" even though you're not in the mood? If not (which I suspect to be the case), what aspects of sex are difficult or effortful or boring or anxiety-provoking or distasteful to you?

<>

I'm a LL woman myself, so I understand the perception of sex as a demand, but I know that the HLs on this board say they view sex as a stress-reliever -- a gift to themselves, not just to their partners. So I'd say the fact you perceive it as a demand is a manifestation, rather than a cause, of your (current) LL.

Was there ever a time when you craved sex for yourself? Did you/do you fantasize or masturbate? Was/is it easy or difficult for you to get aroused?

I guess I feel we may need a little more information before we can give you useful feedback.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 10:08pm

I was a SAHM for about 4 mo. and could not handle it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 10:44pm

Hi Bunzer,


A tough and interesting situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 9:05am

>> I also had PPD after the birth of my second child and never got help for it. I have always had PMS issues and do have some depression, although it is very mild. I am not on any medication, birth control or anything like that, but I still have no/little desire for sex and it is NOT my husband at all. <<


If you haven't gotten help for depression, what's stopping you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 11:12am

<<


I suspect at some level, you and your husband were

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 1:05pm

~Dawn


stress4-1.jpg picture by bunzer2003

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 1:11pm

Yes, I agree. I do go to the gym 3 times a week and am gone for an hour (twice during the work week, once on the weekend) but that is the only time away I get. He says he doesn't get any *me* time either, but he doesn't understand that his drive to and from work, music going, is HIM time too. He goes out to lunch with the guys EVERY day and I give him his 3 times a week to go exercise here at home when he wants to. He is a great dad and spends time with the kids when he is home so that is good. I also take my DD to Gym Jamboree on Monday nights and my son to pre-preschool classes on Wednesday. But, when I want some me time to go take a bath say, DH gets mad that I don't want to spend that time with him, but only for myself. So, I rarely do anything for myself.


~Dawn


stress4-1.jpg picture by bunzer2003

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 1:13pm

You hit it exactly! I DO feel guilty about taking time for myself and then I get mad at my DH for the guilt I am feeling when I have put in on myself. He does it to me too, but I put alot on myself.


You hit it exactly!


~Dawn


stress4-1.jpg picture by bunzer2003

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 1:22pm

If you haven't gotten help for depression, what's stopping you?

~Dawn


stress4-1.jpg picture by bunzer2003

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 1:25pm

This particular gift is fraught with danger because

~Dawn


stress4-1.jpg picture by bunzer2003

Pages