NEED SERIOUS ADVICE, don't want sex

Hi Smilo,

Well. I thought I'd try to help out even though I may not be the best authority. I have never heard of birth control affecting libido like some other people have mentioned. Although, looking at what it does to hormone levels and regulation in the body, I can understand how it could. On the other hand, many many women use it without having these effects.

I think the main reason I wanted to post a reply was because of you body image comments. Over the last three years, I went through a time where I gained quite a bit of weight and I am now losing the weight (half way there! 15 lbs to go!). So just as a possible cause, I thought I point to this. I know that while I was gaining weight I had this particular body image of myself - I didn't see myself as overweight until a very sudden realization point. And from there I have developed this altered perception of myself and even after the weight I have lost, I don't seem myself as any more attractive. I don't allow myself to become interested in anyone, I don't allowed myself to consider that someone might be interested in me. I'm not sure entirely why I do this: not believing I could get the guy, not believing it was possible to be wanted.

In your case, you have someone else (your mother) who is also beating down your body image in addition to your own mental repremands. I know in my case, I would not be able to handle that, especially since you mentioned trying to lose the weight and (I think you said this) it not working thus far. I know with the diet I'm on right now and the degree of obsession it takes to remain committed and not eat that bagel that's sitting in the cupboard (holy macaroni I want it! Ooo macaroni!), I go absolutely bonkers any week that my weight doesn't go down. I image you would feel similar frustration and the last thing you need at that point is to have someone telling you that aren't looking so great. You may find yourself wanting to be alone and not really understanding why.

If this is at all ringing a bell with you then I think the best thing to do is talk to your mom. She needs to know that 1) you cannot handle her comments 2) you need to find an effect way to lose weight. As a nurse, she should have lots of knowledge about nutrition. However, that being said my own mother in her career is VERY knowledged at nutrition but was unable to lose the weight on her own simply because she (like me) needed more support. My mother and I have lost weight via LA weightloss. I don't mean to advertise them but it's a good program because they really teach you about portions and they have a maintainence period where they make sure you know how to maintain your weight after the loss. I think that weightwatchers is a similar program. Weightwatchers is counting points - LA weightloss is counting servings. Mmm.. but if you are on a tight budget these would be somewhat out of the question. If would wanted I could post a brief outline of the diet I'm on?

You mentioned that you were trying dieting pills. Which I wouldn't support as the most effective way to lose weight and keep it off. The truth is there is no miracle drug. For example, when I worked in a pharmacy last summer (btw I am a current uni science student applying to pharmacy - if you start wondering where all this drug comments are coming from), there was a woman that came in asking about chromium suppliments to aid in weight loss. I thought that was a pretty interesting idea so I looked up chromium in the pharmacy drug manual to read up on it. In fact what Chromium does it slows your production of insulin in the pancreas, thus lowering your physical craving for sugar. BUT - there are problems: 1) bad if you are diabetic obviously 2) many times people crave food for mental reasons over physical ones - overeating which leads to weight-gain isn't from always being hungry but from over-indulging 95% of the time 3) chromiun is actually shown to cause weight-gain in younger women who have lower levels of physical activity 4) can cause nausea.

BUT this was just to give an example of how one type of pill can bring in so many complication and leaves so many routes open to failure. And in the end, with a pill, you are only putting off the problem (being that you many not know what healthy eating is - that may sound insulting but I just mean to state a fact. I fully admit I had no clue I was being so unhealthy with my eating until a few months ago - salt is surely the kicker!)

Anyway, so there is my big blurb on weight and libido.

Another thing I just wanted to mention was the possibility that you may not be fully in love with your bf anymore. You are 18 and have been going out with him for 3 years. That is a very long relationship at a very young age. I actually was in a similar relationship myself although only 2 years long. It's not wrong to want to 'explore your options'. And it's not strange to grieve over the loss of a relationship even if you were the one who wanted to end it. You say you know he loves you very much. Do you know you still love him? This might be a pressuring factor for you without you really realizing it and perhaps you worry that you may lose his friendship as well if you try to end the relationship. But staying in a relationship where your aren't entirely happy isn't a good thing. My older sister (24) recently ended a relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years because she realized that, while they made wonderful friends and there was nothing fundamentally wrong with the relationship, she was looking for something more. IT was a very difficult thing for her to do but you can't spend you life asking "what if?" right?