New and Need HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
New and Need HELP
7
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 10:55am
Im a new member to this bord. Im usually on the pregnancy board seeing as how Im a newm mother. Shortly after I found out that I was pregnant my drive went crazy fast down hill. I dont blame this on the pregnancy because in other relationshipd when this has happened i have just pushed it off to being bored and break up with the guy and go back to my fwb. Well, the guy that im with now is the one! I know that i love him because i would have left him months ago... oregnant or not. We are engaged and due to get married in June 2010. He has gotten a little frustrated with me lately because we thought that maybe i would have more of a desire to 'do it' and i dont. i might have the urge once or twice a month... right before my cycle and right after. I know this bothers him and its not fair to him either. He will iniate things and get things going but its usually when im asleep and even though i wake up and hes ready im not. I have no desire and i just do it to make him happy. I have faked 'os' almost everytime he does this but thats mre for him not me. And when

 

Mommy To Kay-Lei Marie Only 8 days late January 8, 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 11:53am
...wait...holdup...didn't you just tell someone in a thread above that your husband loves you no matter what and that the above poster should just suck it up and drive on if she loves her man?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 2:04pm
yes but there are diferences in our posts... hes not leaving because hes not getting enough. i guess i shouldve bluntly have said... is there ways to increase my libido?

 

Mommy To Kay-Lei Marie Only 8 days late January 8, 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 6:52pm

... hes not leaving because hes not getting enough. i guess i shouldve bluntly have said... is there ways to increase my libido?


Most people on this board will tell you "no", but I admire the question. I admire your awareness of the issue between you. As an HL who's been married to an LL for 24 years, I can tell you that

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 3:51am

Mommy_unknown,

I could have written most of your post!

I was in a similar situation as you when I first had my son (he'll be 4 this summer :) It really lasted until just a few months ago. There would be patches of a few weeks when all would be good, then I'd lose the desire again, usually for months at a time. DH would get frustrated, he would try to initiate and I would turn him down, which made him feel that I didn't love him. When I would go through with it just to please him, he'd get upset that I wasn't really interested, and half the time he would stop because he was so upset.

I can understand why you're scared that he might leave; I sort of felt that a few times he would just get so fed up with not getting any, and that any normal man would leave or stray in that situation.

First of all, relax. When I was stressed, it would just make things much worse. I know that's easier said than done, but you just need to take a step back from the situation. Understanding it better will help you fix it better.

For me, I had to find a way to get "interested" more often. I noticed that once I was interested, I would be good to go, but getting to that point was difficult!

For me, what works is reading erotic stories. Just the sweet, romantic ones with some steamy scenes are my favorite. For some reason, I can't come up with fantasies on my own like I used to when we were dating, so I use those stories and sort of put myself in the place of the woman in the story. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, you need to figure out what the main issue is. If you're just having trouble getting in the mood, find a way that you can do that. I find that I feel so much better now (I am even initiating sex, yay for me!). You just need to get past that brick wall that's in your way.

I know that when I was a new mommy I also had a really hard time feeling sexy. What helped me (slightly, I'll admit :) was getting some pretty lingerie at an expensive store. (Ok ok, it was from the sales rack of an expensive store, but it still works! lol :) I felt like I was pampering myself, and my hubby enjoyed seeing it on (well, taking it off) me. Another thing that helps is looking nice during the day. You feel more sexy and confident if you've looked nice all day. When you have a new baby, everyone is looking at the cute little baby, so you feel like you don't have to dress nice, but doing so really boosts your confidence, and can affect your sex drive! Also, enjoy those big mommy boobs :D I still have a lot of the weight I gained with my pregnancy, and as a result, I still have big boobs :D

I hope some of that helps you. I really wish you the best, and I hope it doesn't take YEARS for you to get yourself back like it did me :(

Good luck and let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 8:46am
Wow, what a great reply!
I'm trying to think of a gentle way to forward your post to my own wife!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 1:59pm

Thanks!

If you do that, and if she wants to chat, let me know. I'm going to check right now and make sure that I have the private messaging feature turned on. If I can help somene else in my situation that would be awesome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 3:19pm
Thanks for your help. ill have to try the sey clothes. And ill re assure the bf that this is just

 

Mommy To Kay-Lei Marie Only 8 days late January 8, 2009