New to the board...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
New to the board...
3
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:58pm

I just wanted to say that everyone here seems very nice and willing to listen and help if they can.

I am 25 and in a longterm relationship with another 25 year old. We used to have a great sex life, he actually wanted it more than me. Then, a little over a year ago we moved in together and downhill went sex. He says he is just tired with his new job and still wants me as much as he used to. But I don't feel it...it's been over a year!!! Seriously, like once a week on Saturdays or Sundays, but not both. I feel ugly and unwanted and unsexy and all those bad emotions that go along with his change. I know I am a pretty girl, I get hit on all the time, but I can't help feeling bad about myself when my own boyfriend won't touch me. I try to get him in the mood in subtle ways and that NEVER works. I try to flat out tell him and that leads to a fight. What hurts the most is I have discovered him looking up porn on his computer (yes, I am a horrible snoop, but I was looking for signs of an affair). So I know he is interested in being sexual and getting off, just not with me that often.......I feel like there is no point in saying anything on here, because I don't think anyone can really help me. I have done everything Cosmo would say to do to get him interested and I have talked to him and I'm just sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 3:46pm
Well you have done different things, you might try picking up a relationship book or two and see if you can get him to participate in reading it. Basically relationships take work and he as stopped working on trying to meet your emotional needs. You might also suggest couples counseling. Eventually if nothing you try works, you'll just have to put your foot down and let him know that the talking is done and trying on your end is done and this is way of life is not acceptable if he wants this relationship to continue. Remember, it is your life also, just not him getting what he wants. He has to meet your needs. Hopefully the relationship won't have to come to an end but I certainly wouldn't suggest marrying him down the road if this doesn't get straightened out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 7:12pm
After reading several other posts, I just want to say sorry for complaining about only getting it once every week or two. I see that I could have it much worse after reading one poster only getting it once in 4 years. It is a struggle to go from him wanting me almost everytime we were together to now. I am comforted by knowing that other people are in this same boat though. It is always good to know you are not alone. :)
Avatar for cl_elyse449
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 9:49pm

Greetings Hedybedy,


Welcome!! It's nice to have you with us!! Yes, you'll find a bunch of great folks here who are understanding and knowledgeable.