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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2006
New here
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Mon, 01-04-2010 - 10:39am

Hello.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 10:59am
...I'm with you...I don't understand why sex has to be the "tearing clothes off" each time in order to count...I read words similar from HLs on this board and I say a quick prayer of thanks each time that my husband is just happy to have me be an enthusiastic partner when he wants to have sex...he doesn't require that my pleasure be sexual...he is pleased that I am enjoying him enjoy me...you've been to counseling...you've tried to explain your position...you've participated enthusiastically...I really don't know what else you can do other than to decide if you want to spend your life with some one you absolutely can't please...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 11:43am

Hi finally:


Welcome and sorry to hear about your troubles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:12pm

<,You will NEVER convince HIM that his expectations are unreasonable just as YOU will NEVER be convinced that his expectations are reasonable. >>

While I agree that expectations are idiosyncratic and do not need to be justified, this particular man does sound rather extreme in his criteria. Might there not be some value in educating him about how the great majority of women respond sexually within long-term relationships? If, say, 95% of women would be unable to fulfill his sexual requirements for marriage, he may want to either 1) try to adjust his sexual requirements or 2) reconsider whether he's the marrying kind.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2006
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:36pm

I guess what I am confused about (and the counselor is trying to get my DH to understand) is that I am already compromising by being agreeable to having sex even if I am not in the mood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2006
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:45pm

Oh!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2006
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:04pm

Hi Dirty!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:13pm

Hi Free:


<>


I don't think that educating him concerning his position on the spectrum is going to cause him to suddenly feel less of a need to be sexual than he feels today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2006
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:36pm

I find it interesting that several people (including my DH) treat the change in interest in sex from the beginning of a relationship to the current relationship as if I made a decision to have lots of sex early on and then would decide to want less sex later on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:48pm
...just curious...as to what the HLs think...she's willing...she writes here that she is enthusiastic...but, not always horny...he wants her to be horny...what "should" she do about that?...do you think that perhaps using personal lubricant might help?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
In reply to: finallykf
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 2:00pm

Finally,


<>


Compromising is good.

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