new here. marriage rocky

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2007
new here. marriage rocky
35
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 4:37pm

My hubby and I have been married for 6 years and in the begining we had sex everywhere and anywhere. Now it has been almost a full year since. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I don't have LL, I have NO libido. I have run out of excuses. When I was 14 I was raped by my first official boyfriend. When I was 17 I got pregnant with my first real boyfriend since the rape. When my husband and I got together I got pregnant 2 weeks into our relationship. I can't use my fear of getting pregnant again because he got a vasectomy to solve that problem.


I don't know what the deal is. Is it the rape? Is it my self-esteem? I am 5'3" and 200 pounds. When we met I was 110 pounds. I just don't want to, but I don't want him to go elsewhere either. He is getting really aggrivated. We work opposite shifts. I am asleep when he gets home from work, and he is asleep when I leave for work.


I love my hubby more than anything in this world and I am afraid to lose him. Does anyone know if they make a viagra for women?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 5:17pm
If I were you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 9:44pm

<>

As a LL woman I certainly understand where you're coming from, but I also think it's unfair for you to shut off his supply of sex while insisting he remain faithful. I'm a big advocate of the "just do it" approach, though I hesitate to recommend it in your case because of your personal history of abuse. Are you open to the idea of participating in his sexual experience without having actual intercourse -- say, by helping to bring him to orgasm with your hand or caressing him while he masturbates in front of you -- at least on occasion?

At the same time, you might also want to examine what might account for the big change in your libido, possibly with a therapist.

Freelance




Edited 11/18/2007 9:46 pm ET by freelancemomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 7:07pm

I "help him out" here and there. The problem is when I help him out once he naggs for it day after day. Not to mention it makes me feel horrible about myself and where our marriage is going ~ just depresses me and makes me not want to do it even more.


I don't know how to explain it without sounding completely neurotic.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 7:42pm

<>

I think that's a common dynamic: one pushes, the other pulls back, causing the first partner to push still further, etc. The challenge is to break this pattern. Perhaps some formal negotiation might help. For instance, you and your DH could decide that you'll have a creative sex session once a month, in which you'll both take your time and be open to new ideas. In between these sessions your only obligation for now is to "help him out" (say) three times. If he nags you for more, he loses one session. That way he'll have the assurance of getting SOME sex while you'll have the assurance of nag-free intervals between sessions. Just a thought.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 8:13pm

I really like that idea. Sounds perfect.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 9:56am

<>


Your DH may differ from me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 10:37am

>>>However, if my DW were to gain even 20 pounds over her current weight (she is slightly over

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 10:43am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 10:51am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 10:54am
Believe me, if that's what it takes to get some physical connection in my life, I'm all for it....LOL!

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