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|Wed, 05-23-2007 - 2:12am|
I'm new to the boards. I'm 23, almost 24 and I haven't had a sex drive in years. I'm getting so depressed. I spoke with my doctor who didn't believe me, said I was way too healthy to have this problem but put me on b/c and said it might help. I went on b/c for 7 months and nothing, NOTHING. So I got off the b/c and my doctor reconmended me to an ab/gyn who also specializes in FSD. I went to him, had some blood tests done. Nothing is physically wrong with me, it has to be mental. How do you fix mental!?
I can't stand looking at a magazine talking about sex, listening to music that talks about sex and horniness.. I can't stand going for a walk because I see the happy couples together. My Mother (who knows about my problem) is pressuring me to produce a grandchild. How can I do that with no sex drive?! I am not going to jump into a relationship with my problem. I am not going to tell someone "You can be with me but no sex". I can't stand listening to my HL best friend complain because sex 3Xs a week is just NOT ENOUGH. *sighs* What did I do to deserve this?
2 years ago, there was a glimmer of hope. A co-worker started emailing me at work and flirting with me.. and it WORKED. I had a sex drive, a HIGH one.. *at work*. Finally, after a few months of teasing, I had my beautiful co-worker alone at his house.. he kissed me, touched me.. knows what he was doing.. and *nothing*. No horniness at all. As amazing as his touching and kissing was, my mind was on the grocery list, or whatever I saw on tv, etc etc. Nothing he did worked, but I didn't want him to know that. I was horrified inside.. I kept telling myself to get horny, and it wouldn't work. I tried to relax, and think about all the wonderful things he was doing, and nothing. I had sex with him anyways and faked it. I was so disappointed (not in him) but just in myself.
I've only had 2 sexual partners. My first one was a bf of a year when I was 17. I was horny all the time, but waited and waited and waited. I thought if I waited, it would be the right thing to do. I finally had sex with him on Valentines Day. My bf loved me, and was gentle and sweet.. BUT I was so nervous/awkward the horniness was NOT there and it was *awful*. We had sex many times after that but there was no horniness and it was awful. After a couple weeks I gave up. I had no sex drive. 3 years later, that bf stayed with me because he just loved me so much and wanted to wait until I was ready but I broke it off with him. I couldn't handle this anymore. I didn't want to kiss or touch or any intimacy and I didn't want to bring him "down" with me. That was right before the co-worker started talking to me. I liked the intimacy with the co-worker but the drive is not there when it was time to. *sighs*
A year ago I had a close-call with another co-worker. We were kissing and touching at this 5-star hotel but physically it was not there for me. And this guy is breathtakingly beautiful, he would put Brad Pitt to shame.. BUT I did not physically want it. *sighs* What is wrong with me?!
It's been 2 years with no sex drive.. and I can count my sexual experiences on two hands and they have all been awful. I don't know what it's like to enjoy sex, to want it and have it with someone. To have a normal sexual relationship. I am missing out. I finally spent some time with my 17 year old cousin who I haven't seen in 5 years. I remember when she was a baby and SHE was telling me about her sex life. Her sex life in 2 weeks is better than mine in 7 years.
Please help. :(