No more promises

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
No more promises
12
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 10:02pm

DH and I have gone in circles with this ML subject.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: bjuana_
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 11:11pm

Hi Bjuana,

Help me understand what it feels like to love sex, think about it all the time, have fantasies... but not want it. Or is it just with your DH that you don't want it?

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: bjuana_
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 12:29am

With fantasies I can imagine any scenario

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
In reply to: bjuana_
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 6:41am
Wow, I feel for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: bjuana_
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 7:25pm
Yeah, sex is great once I get into it, but it's just getting started.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: bjuana_
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 7:41pm

Hi again bjuana,

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Can you help me understand this concept, too? See, my secret theory is that people who make this statement actually find that sex has both both good parts and not-so-good parts (rather than being all great) so on balance isn't always worthwhile.

But let's assume I'm wrong. If you need a push to get started but know from experience that pleasure and fulfilment will automatically ensue (without any negative elements), why would it be so hard to give yourself that push? Wouldn't the knowledge of the guaranteed pleasure around the corner make it easy to get over the hump?

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: bjuana_
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 9:35pm

Ok Freelance I hope this makes since but this is the best way I can think to explain this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
In reply to: bjuana_
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 7:53am

This analogy was GREAT! I completely got what you were trying to say! :)


BTW, I really enjoy and learn alot from your posts. You seem so nice and so genuine. I hope you keep posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
In reply to: bjuana_
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 9:09am
I don't know if this will help or not, but I totally understood your pizza, pie scenario and thought I would share. I work 1st shift and my husband works 2nd, so during the week we rarely see each other. He gets home at midnight when I am already in bed, sound asleep. The problem is this is the only opportunity we have for sex, but I am not in the mood for sex at midnight when I have been in a deep sleep! However, I have realized that if I just say yes then it doesn't take long for me to be in the mood and have a great time with my husband. I now make it a point to say yes at least most of the time, because if I didn't our sex life would suffer which in my opinion can lead to other relationship problems. It can be hard to be woken from sleep and convince yourself to "just do it" :), but for me, the results are worth the effort. It seems to me that the more sex we have, the more cheerful and loving we are toward each other naturally. For this reason, my motto is to just say yes. Good luck to you and I hope you find a way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: bjuana_
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 10:43am

Thanks, bjuana, that helps. I guess your big battle is between sleep and sex, and sleep doesn't require any "activating energy" at all.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: bjuana_
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 1:26pm
Thanks so much! :)

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