NO SEX DRIVE AFTER BABY

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
NO SEX DRIVE AFTER BABY
3
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:43pm

I have an 11 month old I am married and attracted to my husband, but ever since I had my son............I don't feel like sex. I am taking effexor XR and .50mg of Klonopin.
Before I had my son I was taking prozac for 4 years but, I never had a problom with my Libido.
I don't have health insurance, so going to the doctor right now is not an option.

I feel bad for my husband because I am always getting angry at him and pushing him away from me because he has a very high libido!
What can I do?
TIA

Avatar for cl_elyse449
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 4:29pm

Skymercy,


Welcome! And a belated congratulations on baby!!


I do have a question for you. If you don't have medical coverage, who is monitoring your medications? When was the last time you went for a med check? What were you specifically prescribed these medications for?


I read that Klonopin is for anxiety and seizure disorders whereas the Effexor XR is for depression. I also read that these meds need to be closely monitored when used together. The Klonopin can cause "depression" side effects...unless that's why they prescribed your Effexor XR.


Well, I'm no physician but it truly sounds like you should be seen. In any event, some people who are depressed have low libido issues. It may be that this is what you're experiencing. Have you been taking your medications daily/regularly? Perhaps it's just time to have them re-evaluated for dosage. How is your health otherwise? Did you make it to your follow-up checks after baby was born?


The best thing you can do is to communicate with your dh openly and honestly about this. It sounds like you have health related causes for your situation and with some help, they'll improve but there must be a way to be seen. If nothing else, those meds need to be monitored but that's just my humble opinion...again, I'm no doctor.


Well, welcome again! I hope you find some support and friendship here with us!! (((HUGS)))


Elyse

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 4:37pm
The ffexor is for depression.............I am not depressed anymore, I went to the doctor about 2 months ago, but I did not bring up my libido problem.
I have no other health issues.
Thanks for responding!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 5:07pm

Other folks have already addressed the antidepressant issue (which needs to be monitored very badly), but I wanted to add that many mental health professionals will use a sliding-scale of fees based on income. You may want to consider this option to see if you can find a qualified professional to work with regarding your medication (especially if you're breastfeeding, which can lead to problems with the baby).

This is c&p'd from my response to another poster, so forgive anything that doesn't pertain to you specfically. The libido part is what I was mostly going for, and have typed this so many times I just give up and now copy it. Seriously, I DO NOT understand why doctors don't discuss this with women...ergh.

1. Just because your body is physically able to again have sex after birth doesn't mean your drive will be back. Along with all the other changes in your body brought on by pregnancy and childbirth, the breastfeeding/milk-producing hormone, Prolactin, is directly linked to low libido. This is, the theory goes, so that a women is less likely to get pregnant again soon, thus ensuring that she will not be splitting resources between too many children so each child has a better chance of survival. This is left over from the hunter-gatherer days, most likely, but that really isn't the point. The point is that it kills libido, and this is not unusual or psychological. It's physical, it's normal, and it often lasts for up to 6 months after a woman stops producing milk. There is no known way to counteract it while breastfeeding, and it's only treated with testosterone therapy well after a woman stops producing milk if the hormone does not return to pre-pregnancy levels (which is unusual, but happens). Why doctors don't talk to couples/mothers about this is just frickin' beyond me...it's a scientific fact, it's normal, it's expected, and yet they tell these woman "you can have sex 6 weeks after birth." Well, technically, yes, but they know darn well that isn't the full story. They should include "but you may or may not want to." Again, ERGH.

2. If you're not interested, you're not likely to lubricate well. Lubrication is enhanced by more rapid blood flow to the vagina brought on by arousal, so if you're not into it, you're not going to be as wet. I dislike KY, too, but have you tried other brands? I prefer either Eros (silicon based, which may work well for you) or Astroglide (more slippery and doesn't dry as fast as KY). Eros you'll need to get at a lingerie/toy shop or online, but you can get Astroglide almost anywhere these days.

3. MOST new mothers aren't interested in sex. They're sleep deprived, which is a libido killer in and of itself. They are pawed at all day, and spend most of their lives dedicated to pleasing the needs of another person (I am not saying this is a bad thing, just the way it is). The last thing many want to do is feel obligated to please yet another person. Most new moms just want a bath and some sleep. As unfortunate as this may be, it is part of the first many months of childrearing for any mom who doesn't employ a nanny. Probably te biggest thing your hubby could do to boost your libido is take the baby, draw you a bath, and leave you alone for a while. Most men, unf, don't get this unless it's explained to them because they dont have a small life clinging to them all day, every day; so, it's hard for them to understand. Talk to him about it.

Talking to him and educating him about how the body works after childbirth may go a long way, esp. if you are willing to comprimise, too. Discussing that what you are feeling is normal, and it's not about him--it's just nature's (or God's, or whatever you believe--it all works the same in this case) way of making sure the baby gets what it needs--may be helpful to him. Partners often feel rejected when one person isn't interested in sex, and take it very personally. Let him know it's not personal. It's something that happens to many, many new moms and is an expected, normal part of pregnancy and childbirth that should diminish with some time. Perhaps there are other things besides penetration you can do to help keep intimacy in your relationship (oral or manual sex, for example) while your body recovers. Would he be willing to work with you on that?

Sorry if I seem harsh on the medical front here, but I just do not understand why doctors don't address this with their patients before, during and after pregnancy. It flumoxes me totally. They hear these same complaints daily, just as we see stories similar to yours so often on various boards. It's not rare--it's the norm. Some women have libido immediately after pregnancy, but they're in the minority. The body goes through so many changes, as does the psychy.

Hope this was helpful in some way. Let us know how things go.