no sex no boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
no sex no boyfriend
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 7:15am
i have been reading the posts about low libido and i dont know if that is my problem or if it is more than that. My boyfriend and i have been together for a year now and our sex life inthe beginning was great i wanted him all the time we had sex 2 or 3 times a day we broke up arpund the 7th month and were apart for a month or so well we got back together and he moved back in shortly after, since the move in we have had hardly any sex. I just have lost my urge it seems. I dont know whats wrong with me i mean i must be deffective or something, who doesnt want their attractive boyfriend? i mean i find him to be very sexy and i think he is an amazing person but i cant seem to convince him that i truly feel this way especially since i am not having sex with him, he has actually i think come to the point that he hates me. We are now in our 3rd week of not having sex and yesturday he broke up with me because i wont have sex with him. I love him in very other way possible i mean i love this man with my whole heart and he is not even taking that into account he is just assuming that since there is no sex there is no love. I dont know what happened to me i am 21 years old i should not have this problem, but not only does sex feel like a chore it makes me feel dirty and cheap, i feel so
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 7:34am

Do you have any ideas at all about why you suddenly "turned off" sex with him?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 7:40am

i dont know exactly i mean we broke up because he and i got in a fight and he moved out in the middle of the night, i knw it sounds awful but it was a pretty bad fight and he left me with nothing i thought i forgave him but i guess not i mean i love him i want to love i want to forgive im but i get so angry sometimes and i cant completely let it go. its so hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 7:43am

Welcome to the board, Casey.

The good news is that you guys are young and not married, so you've got some time to get this figured out before you find yourself in a marriage with this same problem.

Read all the posts you can on this board to learn more about the dynamics of ML relationships, both from the HL and the LL perspective.

Recently there was another post by a very young girl like you, who reported that when she moved in with her boyfriend the sex stopped.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 11:13am

Do not look on this as a loss or a failure.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 11:37am

Heya Casey, welcome. :)


As I tell my kids, if you try a new food and it tastes awful, that is not a failure. It is a successful experiment. You have discovered that you don't like that food item.

The whole point of dating is to learn what you like and don't like in a partner so you can select a compatible partner. You dated this guy. You discovered you are not compatible with him. Thank him for doing the dirty work and setting you free to find someone who won't constantly pressure you to provide more sex than you feel comfortable having. Then go out and find that guy.>>>

All I can say to this is AMEN. Awesome advice!

Don't stay if you're not happy. Life is way too short.

And my own take on this? You're angry at him, and though you want to love him, you simply don't trust him. Your mind is trying to convince your body to follow through on something that it simply knows is wrong. Sex is all about deep trust and if you can't give yourself sexually to him, all the wanting to do it in the world won't matter. All you'll feel when you do it is cheap and dirty -- which is what you're feeling. Listen to your body. It knows what you REALLY feel, deep down. Don't ignore what its telling you.

Good luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 12:06pm
I agree with the above.