Normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2009
Normal?
37
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 4:27pm

Hey Ladies! :]
I am KINDA newbie to sex me and my boyfriend been having sex for almost eight months now. However we only have sex like once month not even.

I dunno? Is this normal? I am 20 and he’s 21. Shouldn't we be having sex like crazy? Before we had sex he wanted it BADLY, but now he does not. This is okay for me because well the sex isn’t so great anyways.

I think my real problem is my friends, they always told me “SEX SO GREAT!!!” “ONCE YOU HAVE IT YOU ARE ADDICTED!!!”

I just do not feel ‘hooked’ as my friends say I would. Maybe I just have a low libido? My 50 year old mom has more sex than me… I wish I did not know that! Lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: lostxforever
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 4:52pm

If you are 20, you should have been able to assess your libido at least five years ago, not to mention indicators during the last five years...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: lostxforever
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 2:35pm
Everyone has a variance in the sex drive. New to sex does not always mean rabbit behavior. There could be mismatches, guilt,and the fact that perhaps both are very inexperienced. Outside reasons could be fear of pregnancy,life stress,cultural conditioning,self ignorance.
For yourself do you know how your body reacts to orgasm? And now that you have had sex do you want to more or less?
There are other items that are rarely discussed. Do you like his natural scent? Does he like yours? What were the teaching about sex and lovers that you had growing up? How much knowledge do you have about the mechanics of sex? Where did you learn them?
There are lots of questions? Do you enjoy having sex? Having sex with this person?
It would be good if these questions were answered.

xvx Pictures, Images and Photos


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2010
In reply to: lostxforever
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 9:36am

Good question, let me help.

1) All libido variables are completely NORMAL. There are people who are 18 and believe they are asexual (in other words, they don't like sex at all). yes, I know...crazy, but its real. And its NORMAL. Also, wanting to have sex all the time is NORMAL.
2) What you need to do at an early age is essentially ditch the word "NORMAL" and realize that you need to know yourself. Here is how it works....

a) Do you feel the need for sex X number of times a day, week or month? Figure out what you want.
b) Whatever the answer is (and they are all NORMAL answers) then find a mate who matches up.

Caveat: The issue, however, can be complicated when you have an inexperienced lover. If he is poor at what he does, you may be turned off. The best thing is to reserve some judgment. You may find with other partners you are turned on and end up getting into your "groove".

Also, be honest and open and diplomatic with your man. Let him know if you want to try some new stuff, or ask him if he is into it. Also, if sex is important to you (it can be very important), then let him know honestly if its a deal-breaker for you. Its better to move on, than to pretend.

Keep the communication open and you will do fine.

Anti.

- Interested in cutting through the BS.
- Interested in cutting through the BS.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
In reply to: lostxforever
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 10:03am

>>Caveat: The issue, however, can be complicated when you have an inexperienced lover. If he is poor at what he does, you may be turned off. The best thing is to reserve some judgment. You may find with other partners you are turned on and end up getting into your "groove". <<

Additional Caveat-Once in a long term relationship it is possible (maybe even likely, I'm not wanting to hazard a guess) that your level of interest or that of your partner may wane, and it might be a lot more than you might think. You may go from wanting it several times a day to once a week (or even less.) This is also completely NORMAL. However, it is hard to adjust for. Be aware of this possibility. Pay attention to the trends you exhibit during the course of a relationship.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: lostxforever
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 1:00pm

Hi AA,

Although we got off on the wrong foot (re: my 10 ways to spot a HL), I wanted to thank you for doing your part to normalize sexual diversity. The world really needs to understand the following:

<<1) All libido variables are completely NORMAL. There are people who are 18 and believe they are asexual (in other words, they don't like sex at all). yes, I know...crazy, but its real. And its NORMAL. Also, wanting to have sex all the time is NORMAL.>>

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
In reply to: lostxforever
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 2:16pm

"If your libido is normal to high, then your man is probably just a poor lover."

I'm not sure I buy into individuals being good or bad at sex. It is a team sport. Some teams just have better chemistry. Having said that, openness and lowering of inhibitions by both partners probably leads to better chemistry, and I expect inhibitions might cause one to be perceived as a poor lover.

I am not crazy on Paul Simon or Art Garfunkel as solo acts, but nothing compares with their duets.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: lostxforever
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 3:57pm
>>>>Caveat: The issue, however, can be complicated when you have an inexperienced lover. If he is poor at what he does, you may be turned off. The best thing is to reserve some judgment. You may find with other partners you are turned on and end up getting into your "groove".<<<<
Inexperience can be a very big thing. Very,very few are born great lovers! They have to be taught. I was very lucky in that I meet a woman who taught me a lot of things about my sexuality and how to please a woman(I am Male). How to let go of worries and enjoy the sex is very important. The mind is the sex organ. One the mind is on track the body will follow.
If both people are inexperienced then the problems can compound and become very difficult to overcome. Learning your own body and it's sexual expression what turns you on what is exciting how you orgasm.
>>>>This is okay for me because well the sex isn’t so great anyways.
<<<<<

From your writing I question whether you are having orgasms. Some people do not orgasm easily. One learns how to orgasm. Masturbation is usually the first avenue to learning about how YOUR body functions. Start there and check out books and women's websites on sexual topics.

xvx Pictures, Images and Photos


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2010
In reply to: lostxforever
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 2:53pm

"If you are 20, you should have been able to assess your libido at least five years ago, not to mention indicators during the last five years... with or without losing your virginty, how good your lover is in bed, etc."

I would have to disagree with this. At 30, I still don't know what mine is (although I'm thinking non-existent). I wasn't even thinking about sex until about 4 years ago.

Not everyone is thinking about sex at a young age.

***LilyTigerfly***
***LilyTigerfly***
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: lostxforever
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 4:40pm

I was jerking off twice a day by age 13 and 4-5x a day by age 17.


If you didn't think of sex from post-puberty through age 26 then I think we can safely assess your libido as extremely low, even at age 20.


No?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
In reply to: lostxforever
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 8:29am
...really?...my husband disagrees with this...I would say he's about as high libido an individual that I have personally met...as a matter of fact, if I merely read about his libido from someone else, I would not believe him/it...from personal experience, I've found that my libido has increased from steadily from age 13...until I am now what I refer to as simply "normal" libido (3-4 times a week satisfies me completely)...during my teen years, I didn't masturbate...during my 20s I didn't want to have sex...during my 30s it began to increase...and, I can now safely say that I desire sex 3-4 times a week, though I will have more orgasms than that some weeks as I do have sex every day...

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