nothing changes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
nothing changes
5
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 12:24am

He went away for the weekend. I missed him terribly and I was SO happy to
see him come home. When he walked in the door,, I jumped for glee and hugged and kissed him. but... nope... not one twinge of desire. Nothing there. There never is anything there.. that , oh I need you feeling that others talk about. We did do it that night but it was a H*** of alot of work on my part to get me going. I kept trying to stop him.. why bother.. I take way to long and it just gets frustrating for me cause I know he feels that he's doing something wrong. agh. I am such a shi** lover. :-(
Today he teases that he never gets any, that really hurts and if I talk flirty he just goes "yea right" and that hurts too. He told me not to wait up for him tonight. Last nite he slept on the couch cause I was so tried, almost feel asleep driving home.
(note he's only been home for 2 nites!) I know hes frustrated, not with the amount of sex but the quality.

After reading alot of post this evening.. esp. venredi01 ,,, maybe I should let him go.
He could find someone that makes him happy. I try but its never good enough.. in my mind.
I'm sorry but "IT" just doesnt' work, I can't get into it.
He deserves alot more then me.

just needed to rant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
In reply to: debbzy
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:49am
(Hugs)
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: debbzy
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:43am

Poor lover?!?!?

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
In reply to: debbzy
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:58am

I'm with holding, Debzzy! What is this c**p about him "not getting any"?!?!? As I recall, you recently went on vacation and "did it" more times than I (and many on this board) do in a typical YEAR! As far as I can tell, one of the things that MAY be killing your desire is these demeaning and unappreciative comments!!! What if YOU were to tell him after every lovemaking session "What's wrong, honey? You didn't seem that 'into' it and you weren't very hard inside of me. . . What's going on?" I can BET that he would start losing confidence and questioning his own abilities. These sorts of comments are NOT helpful- he should appreciate how good he has it and STOP with the negative, complaints and selfish behavior. You may be surprised- you may actually start to feel the desire that you're told ALL THE TIME that you don't have!!!

JMHO.

-dadguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
In reply to: debbzy
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:13am

"Does he not realize all you do for him?"

Well Hold, as you can see, while lots of people here are unhappy because they might not being get enough sex/intimacy, having all the sex in the world isn't necessarily the answer. Neither side is getting their needs apparent. Both are unhappy it seems.

Because the bottom line is that while they are best friends in it seems all othher areas of the relationship, they don't communicate with each other as lovers. They can't talk about sex and the feelings that go with it. He doesn't understand how Debbzy feels so he'll never be able to maybe change in ways that makes Debbzy feel better about herself and relationship in this area. She working on making changes for herself and doing quite well I thought but he has to be involved too and working on making changes. Like exactly what is he looking for in quality, what is missing that he needs and maybe does he have an very unrealistic view as to the quality he is looking for. Is he looking for 100% quality all the time when realistically in most relationship with daily routines and life to deal with, you're doing at reaching say 50-60%? Good, enjoyable, comforting but very hard to be great all the time particularly if you do it every day. They truly need to talk as uncomfortable as it might be and things may slide backwards for a while but if they really love each other as they say, hopefully they'll figure it out. No overnight changes but gradually improvements in things.




Edited 6/6/2007 10:55 am ET by tryinghard55
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: debbzy
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 11:45pm


I do believe I am a poor lover , cause if I was good I'd be able to turn myself on, I'd be into it.

We might have sex alot but ............... its just F'ing.
I know he'd like it to be hot, romatic etc but I've never been able to do/feel that way.

Oh believe you me he knows he has it good and I do remind him. His teasing, usually will get him the couch if he goes to far. I remind him to ,, treat me like a Queen and I'll treat you like a King as a old saying goes. I just wish I was more. ( I got alot of issues) I want that in tuned couple ,, all hot and heavy for each other. But my body and mind just don't work that way and its so frustrating on my part cause I can't get it to work.
LOL sound like I need a engine replacment.

It how I feel about me .. that I am inqaduate and lots of times I feel he could do better.