Question for LLs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Question for LLs
46
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 6:36am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 8:14am

...yes, I "need" my husband to desire me...I enjoy the hell out of it, in fact...it's one of the motivations I feel toward having sex that I am not in the mood for...his desire for me is one of the things I enjoy most about having sex wit him...the need that I feel for his desire has nothing to do with a reesponse between my legs...it's all between my ears...my husband doesn't whine, or cajole or beg for sex, we have it every day...if he suddenly stopped wanting to have sex, the fact that my needs were being affected would be secondary for a while, my first worry/thought/ concern would be for his health...I don't know if long term I would look for extra marital sex...as I've written before, he's 19 years older than me and we've had several converstions about what he would like to happen if he loses the ability to have intercourse...sex, in and of itself, doesn't mean a lot to me...it's sex with my man that does...and, his need/want/desire for it....I am not one to say "I'll never....."...so, I just don't know what will happen (if it happens)....in my first mariage, when my husband stopped whining, begging, pleading, bargining, and cajoling for sex, he had began a relationship outside of our marriage...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 9:38am

>>Can you imagine how that would make you feel? Have you tried to imagine that in the past?<<

Sure I've tried to imagine it. I can only imagine I'd feel relieved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 11:08am

I'm answering all questions in terms of my marriage.

"Can you imagine how that would make you feel? Have you tried to imagine that in the past?"

My husband never pleaded, cajoled, or begged. I understood what he needed and made sure he got it. But if he suddenly lost his libido, that would have been a huge relief to me. Then our libidos would have matched.

"Do you need your partner / spouse to desire you?"

No, any man on the street can lust after me. I need to be loved, in the sense of attachment, devotion, commitment, and joy spending time with a person.

"Do you take it for granted that your partner / spouse desires you?"

No. I don't base my self-esteem on whether a man wants to have sex with me. The concept is extremely foreign to me.

How would that affect your self-esteem? Your happiness? Do you think it would make you hornier / more desirous of sex?

See above. I never based my self esteem on guys wanting to have sex with me. If I had, I would be extremely self-confident because I had loads of guys trying to get sex from me from the time I grew breasts and an hourglass figure (between 11 and 12).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 11:22am

...I do not equate self-esteem with enjoying the desire my partner feels for me...(needing the desire my partner feels for me..)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 11:31am

Do you need your partner / spouse to desire you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 12:37pm
zejayge wrote:

...I do not equate self-esteem with enjoying the desire my partner feels for me...(needing the desire my partner feels for me..)...

But of course. I was answering one of the OP's questions about "how does that affect your self esteem?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 8:25pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 9:03pm

...my enjoyment does not center around sexual enjoyment...I enjoy sex everyday...and, that enjoyment has nothing to do with arousal or orgasm most of the time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Mon, 05-30-2011 - 6:25am
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 05-30-2011 - 7:16am

...I was in your

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