Question for LLs on porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2005
Question for LLs on porn
30
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 7:48pm

So, I have a question for all the LLs out there. How would you feel about your HL watching porn on the side to satisfy their unmet needs?

My DW (LL) and I have gone round and round on sex, and we're pretty much at the point where there's no talking about it anymore. If its brought up how I need more, etc, then before long I'm apologizing, doing whatever it takes to basically end the conversation and stop the guilt trip I'm receiving.

Although all I want is to have loving passionate sex with my wife, its not happening. She basically has admitted she's only having sex to please me (which believe me is such a turn on - NOT). Her actual quote during the argument was "I have sex for you, you have sex for yourself." Yeah, I'm a little pissed.

Anyways, back to my question: How do the LLs feel about their HL partners viewing porn to satisy unmet needs? I know my DW would be upset. If the LLs are against it, what do you suggest we do?

Sorry if this comes across a little hostile. The wounds are still fresh...
Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 7:59pm

<>

My DH is into BD/SM, and I know he watches some of that stuff on the Internet. I have absolutely no problem with it, though I suspect I'm in the minority. Even though I'm LL myself, I DO have a problem with sex-withholding LLs who tell their HL partners that porn is off limits -- or still worse, that masturbation is off limits.

Freelanec

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 9:15pm

Well I am HL, but I can offer this. My BF(LL) likes to look at porn, but since we struggle with ML, I have insisted, and he has agreed that, he should only watch porn with me. I, however, still watch it. At first, he was upset with that, but I pointed out, I NEVER chose porn over him, where, at the time, he would chose it over me. And if at any point he agreed to be available to handle all my sexual needs, I would gladly never look at porn again.


My point....if porn is replacing a partner whose sexual needs are being unmet, it is a negative. If, however, it is a (poor) substitute for a partner who is unwilling OR unable to meet their mates sexual needs, it is sometimes a workable option.


I am in agreement with FLM. LLs who insist on their mates not getting ANY sexual release while they simultaneously refuse to meet said needs is being unreasonable.


Angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 10:30am

>>How do the LLs feel about their HL partners viewing porn to satisy unmet needs?<<


I'm more of a medically-induced LL, and really, not even LL (but LL in my relationship), so I might be in the minority here... but I'd be completely ok with my SO watching porn if I didn't want/was unable to have sex. I'd be ok with him masturbating, and honestly, if I was unable to provide for his needs (due to my medical issues), I'd be ok with him taking a lover. It doesn't bother me. I knew, from the start, what my man's needs were, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:05am

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I went through various stages of this reality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:31am

I am LL myself my DH is HL, I have found him

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 12:03pm

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Wise words indeed.

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 3:10pm

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Thank you but I wonder if my best post yet *in your eyes at least* will go unread by who it was intended for... just my luck too.


Glenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 1:18am

My wife, whose libido is currently suppressed due to pregnancy,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 9:52am

I knew, from the start, what my man's needs were, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 9:54am

I do feel bad because I cannot give him what he wants and needs and that is something I am working on and he is willing to help as well.

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