Sex after 60???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2005
Sex after 60???
4
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 10:07am
Sex starts in the mind.After 60 when should one be able to just set back and be glad they have made it this far? I am 61 and he is 65, been together 11 years.Had sex,been there done that,never good for me for the most part,now just don't want to. Viagra does come into play,I might add with little or no help.From the time he asks Do You Want To Play and the time he gets undressed I am supposed to be breathing hard.Why? I know some men use a pump, a shot, a pill, or whatever they think will make them 21 again,but why is it always about the man? What is out there for the women. I have talked to him, he knows what makes me feel good,we have tried Things. Why would one has to work so hard for 5 minutes of sweat.It just does not seem worth it.I can't get my mind in tune with his.A man first of all would have to have something to work with and second- know what to do with it,third-understand that when you get and take a pill,does not mean that a women sets around a think sex all day.I dread the fact,when he gets the LOOK, If I don't follow him to bed at that momet-- he pouts,may not talk to me all day, puts me on such a quilt trip.Forget the books--Got them, movies-Got them.Been to the Dr. Do I just take a deep breath and go thru the motions since talk has never helped.At what part of the golden years does one not have to worry about haveing to fake it.If the answer is never,than tell me WHAT is out there for a women?
Avatar for cl_elyse449
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 2:37pm

Hi redbydesign,


Welcome!


You said; "At what part of the golden years does one not have to worry about having to fake it? If the answer is never,than tell me WHAT is out there for a women?"


For the first part, my personal opinion is-one won't have to worry about faking it when one is with someone like minded.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 9:05am

"Sex starts in the mind.After 60 when should one be able to just set back and be glad they have made it this far? "

As you noted, sex starts in the mind. If you visit "The Secrets of Married Sex Board", gigi1000 and his wife are in their late seventies I believe and enjoy having sex with each other at least 5 times a week, trying out all different types of things. Oldkinky and wife, I think in their early seventies do the same thing. They love to experiment and try new and different things. They enjoy having sex and/or making love with each other. In 'their minds', they enjoy being with physical with each other.

They aren't the norm though for aging couple but I hope my wife and I go this same route when we reach that age bracket. I have that mindset and my wife seems to have the same mindset also.

As for pills like Viagra, from what I have read, they was designed for those males with the 'frame of mind' to want to 'continue enjoying the joy of sex' with their partners but can't physically due to diseases like high blood pressure or diabetes. It was never intended nor works in altering one's mindset to learn to enjoy sex. If a male has no interest in sex, Viagra won't help.

"From the time he asks Do You Want To Play and the time he gets undressed I am supposed to be breathing hard.Why? "

For lots, maybe most folks, I don't see how you could breathing hard. There needs to be emotional connections outside and inside the bedroom and generally I would think some good foreplay inside the bedroom to help create the mindset in enjoying sex.

"Why would one has to work so hard for 5 minutes of sweat.It just does not seem worth it."
When the emotional connection is there, the intimacy in the relationship, one understands the worth of it. It's all in the mind and some might say, the heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2012
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 9:19am
I am 68...My husband is 70..We Yet adore one another and have a desire to please one another...It's All about Your Love and Respect for one another..We are " Enjoying " our golden years together..We do a lot of sharing what's on our minds with one another that's the key..Being intimate with your partner should " Never " be a chore...Intimacy..foreplay takes place way before you get to the bedroom...It All begins in the Mindset...He is interested in " Pleasuring Me as I am about Him "...We are connected, mentally and physically also emotionally... He is " Not " on any type of medications to hinder his performance...He eats oysters every few weels to keep his libido up...So I'm Not a woman that has to fake it..We keep " Our relationship with one another spiced up "...We love it..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 2:22pm

It sound as if every time he pops a Viagra, it's time for you to perform sex-on-demand. It also sounds as if this arrangement is not OK for you. You were hoping that, as you mellowed into your 60s, sex would gradually fade away--at last. I understand this feeling completely. It was always the companionship and intimate emotional connection that I valued in marriage, not the sex, which was boring at best.

I agree with the person who posted above that Viagra has done more harm than good. There are plenty of older women who were looking forward to a time in life when sex would not be part of their duties, and who are somewhat horrified at the thought of being prodded with a chemically engorged penis into their 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s (?). I mean, when do these women catch a break...not until she is a widow or leaves her husband a widower, I guess.

Can you ask him to consult you before he pops a Viagra? Maybe better than that even would be to schedule times when you two have sex, so there's no unpleasant surprise that he is springing on you. With scheduled sex, you know it's coming and you can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.

If he's going to be stubborn about his new habit of popping Viagra and then expecting you to provide sex on demand, that does not sound like much fun at all. Does he still love you? Can you appeal to him to consider your feelings in this? A couple's sex life should not be so one-sided, gratifying one person only at the expense of the other.

If he refuses to empathise with your feelings, as a last resort you can take your half of your marital assets and live a single life in peace. Maybe if he learns how unpleasant the Viagra sessions are for you, and that you're considering single life as an alternative, he'll reconsider his selfishness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2011
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 7:59am

What kinds of conversations have you had with your husband? Have you told him that you want more foreplay? Have you told him that you need advance warning that he is going to take his medicine? Have the two of you talked about a middle meeting ground? Would you be willing to let him seek a partner on the side? Are you willing to leave the relationship if the situation does not improve?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 2:40pm

Red,

By reading your original post, you have never enjoyed sex. How long have you two been married? How frequent has the sex been throughout your relationship? Have you always had trouble getting aroused?

Honestly, there is an angry tone to your message that suggests a real problem undlying the relationship that goes beyond the sexual problem. Is your anger directed at sexual activity or at your partner? Have you reflected on this and how it affects your attitude about you partner?