Sex every day, but I feel LL...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Sex every day, but I feel LL...
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 4:49pm

My boyfriend and I have sex almost every day. And when we do, we have it 2-3 times a night on average, and 1-2 times in the morning when we wake up.

The only thing is...I feel LL, because he's always ready to go on longer, to do more, again and again. He'll wake me up in the middle of the night after having stayed up all night, and want more.

Sometimes I feel like I have to perform, like I have to want it more than I do. Every day is a lot, right? And more than once? And we've been together for a while! I love sex with him, and I enjoy it, but I have to sleep sometime! And I do end up tired, and cranky, with low energy, and late to things a lot. Sometimes if we have sex 2-3 times, and then he wants to go longer, and I feel tired and happy and satiated, he thinks I'm rejecting him, don't desire him, and didn't feel good...what? Even when we just went at it for a few hours and a couple of times.

Has anyone else has this experience? What do I do? I've even tried all kinds of things to up my energy levels, ginseng, exercise, better diet. But I feel tired all the time after staying up forever having sex! And then I don't want it the next night because my eyes hurt so bad!

My boyfriend is like the energizer bunny in all things, work, play, working out, whatever. Endless energy. I'm just not like that. I have limits. I think we have a good sex life, but I always feel like it's not enough.

We talk, and I've tried to explain it all to him, but I still feel like he feels rejected when I say I want to go to sleep after hours and hours of lovemaking. :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 5:36pm

Multiple times a day like that is alot to keep up with...even if you have a high libido.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 6:05pm

Oh, I've definitely had cystitis. I regularly drink pure cranberry juice mixed with water to stave them off! And I have a stash of cranberry supplements.

And I am getting that he feels rejected from what he says...

If I get tired or satiated before he does, sometimes he'll ask me if I still want him. If we've just had sex three times, I don't know how to answer this! Yes! You're desirable! But we've just had sex three times and it's 3 am and I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm tired!

We've talked a lot, about making sure that I feel pleasured, about making sure that I get enough sleep, about finding a happy medium, and sometimes we're both so tired from our days that we fall asleep as soon as we get into bed...but these days are very rare. It's usually all the time. Sex all the time. And I feel bad because he feels bad, when I've actually had a great experience. Sometimes I think he doesn't believe that I've had a great experience, even when I'm full and yummy-feeling and happy. Argh, I don't know...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 9:09pm

Wow, I just can't imagine doing what you've been doing (granted I'm LL). I guess at some point you'll have to decide if you can live with this level of sexual activity (or expectation) -- I certainly couldn't. Sorry I don't have any concrete advice.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 5:56am

Sex everyday and multiple times? When do you have time for anything else? I'm HL but I couldn't keep up with that. I'm male but you must be sore? You just have to tell him to back off or fake a bladder infection. I don't know what elase to tell you

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 9:28am

He sounds a little young and/or deeply insecure. It could be that somewhere along the line he got the idea that REAL MEN have sex constantly and he is trying to prove he is a man. Hard to say and it doesn't sound like he has any level of self awareness in this. Some people just have this hole inside them that can't be filled. He may not believe you are satisfied because deep down, he is not satisfied (not speaking sexually)

You need to explain to him (get your doctor to help) that constant sex sets you up for bladder infections and cystis. I would also explain that you will start resenting him for the unceasing demands he is making on your body...not out of love, but out of desperate need for approval.

If you get off before he does, then you can finish him orally or manually. You can have nights of mutual masturbation to give your body a little break. It doesn't have to be marathon sex every time.

You aren't LL from what I can tell. He is just off the charts HL so anyone would look LL in comparison, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 3:04pm

What Gefyon said. I totally agree, this guy sounds really insecure.

I would also like to encourage you to start setting some boundaries. Decide what is reasonable. Decide that (for example) 8 hours of sleep per night is what you need, and so if you have to get up at 6am, then no sex after 10pm, period. If he pressures you, go sleep in another room. If he starts whining that you don't "desire" him, tell him you don't desire anyone when you are dropping over from lack of sleep. If this breaks up your relationship, then the problem is his, not yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 5:06am

I actually got an infection right after I posted, and the DR. put me on antibiotics. We've done a lot of "playing" since then (petting, oral, etc.), and have had sex a few times.

I've been looking over this board a lot, and I do find a lot in common.

I have been grilled afterwards over what it felt like. Sometimes I'll feel all lovely and warm and yummy, and I'll tell him that, and he'll want to have more sex, and if I'm done and ready to go to bed, he'll ask me if I still want him anymore. Sometimes I think he doesn't believe me that I feel good and satisfied.

We did have a few arguments, like the playing and the petting wasn't enough.

We have a VERY affectionate relationship, and we're often told by strangers that we're adorable and that it makes them happy to see people in love. We send each other sexy texts and pinch each others' bums when nobody's looking. It hurts me when he asks me if I don't want him anymore.

That said, sometimes I do feel pressured to perform, to come, when he asks me how it was, or if I didn't come. Sometimes during my cycle, I can barely feel him. I can take it a lot rougher, but I can't feel subtlety (usually right before my period), and so I don't often come during this time. I'd rather just have a sense of play to it, rather than a goal. When we have a sense of play, sometimes I have earthquaking orgasms, and it's funny, it's usually when I tell myself that I give up on having an orgasm and just relax.

I'm one of those women who can have a female ejaculation and this is really hot for him. But he asks me all the time if I'm going to, and then I feel pressured, and I tense up. And when it does happen, it isn't always contemporaneous with what feels like an orgasm to me. It feels like work. I get performance anxiety. Sometimes I'm afraid of talking dirty or flirty because I'm afraid I won't be able to finish what I start.

I don't know that it was the best idea to make love before I finished my antibiotics, because I feel really uncomfortable right now. Like, UTI uncomfortable. I'm very prone to UTIs, and even at the beginning, when I have just the barest suspicion that I have one, sex is so uncomfortable. I can't focus on pleasure, because all I can feel is how uncomfortable my bladder is.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 11:41am



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:24pm


I am giving you a 'virtual' standing ovation, BRAVA.....BRAVA.....