Since she stopped drinking in August, my wife has lost ALL desire for sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
Since she stopped drinking in August, my wife has lost ALL desire for sex.
15
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 3:54pm

Physically there is nothing wrong (per her doctor), but she simply has zero interest in sex at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007

Is she an alcoholic, alcohol abuser or functioning alcoholic?

What were the reasons why she stopped drinking?

Why did she have to be drunk to have sex with you?

If so, many times alcoholics don't just "get better" once you take away the drink.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002

Hell most of the women that had sex with me when I was single only did it cause they were drunk!! Then there were a few I had sex with only cause I was drunk.

Sorry couldn't help myself.

I will say this much. In the earlier days of my relationship with DW she was usually far more uninhibited if there was alcohol involved. Since she doesn't drink much anymore its difficult to bring that wild side out again.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...sheesh...I don't know...my drinking too much career was so short lived that I didn't have to adjust much once I eliminated wine...if she's sober and has a sponsor (follows a step-program) she could disucss this with her sponsor...or, with her therapist...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010

I wonder if she understands the concept of just granting you sex whether she's in the mood or not. It could be on demand or on a regular schedule like certain nights of the week. Sometimes women are not used to the idea of "gifting" their husband with sex but it is always possible she wouldn't have any big objection if she understands how much it means to you rather than only in terms of what her own desire is for it. I feel like barring any strong objections etc. it really isn't very reasonable or fair to deny your partner sex when they have after all given up sex with others assuming that privilege. Just

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
I agree with siena. Either prior abuse or FOO issues convincing her sex is bad, evil, etc. Yes, it will probably take therapy over an extended period of time for her to become comfortable being sexual while being sober. I would think you would be supportive of that, if she is willing to go through the process. It won't be easy for her. She will need you to be understanding.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

If my husband would have

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

I also think alcohol makes it easier for LLs to get into the spirit of sex even if they're not actually feeling desirous. That's certainly been my experience. I hesitate to use the word "faking," because it doesn't quite feel like that, but I know that when I've had a couple of drinks it seems easier to "act as if."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>I also think alcohol makes it easier for LLs to get into the spirit of sex even if they're not actually feeling desirous. That's certainly been my experience. I hesitate to use the word "faking," because it doesn't quite feel like that, but I know that when I've had a couple of drinks it seems easier to "act as if."<<

Agreed
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009

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