Should I Be Complaining???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Should I Be Complaining???
66
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 3:05pm

I joined along time ago, but haven't posted in forever, but have read many of your stories.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 4:18pm

First, to let you know you're not alone. Your post could easily have been written about my life...right down to the frequency we could live with!!

Our ML goes through ups and downs, and we're definitely in a 'downturn' at the moment.

She enjoys it once she gets going, but it seems like such a chore to her to get going! This leaves me feeling rejected and withdrawn. Then she gets mad that I'm distant. We've talked about it to no end, sometimes with a counselor and it just feels like she dismisses the notion that sex is an actual emotional bonding experience for me. In fact, I just got an email @ work today stating, in no uncertain terms, that we need to talk tonight....about things that are important to HER that she feels I'm not taking care of. (I emailed her back how I'm feeling and letting her know that I welcome the conversation but that it will NOT be one sided) (we'll see how that goes!!)

Now my wife is pregnant which we're thrilled with, but in hindsight I feel like the last time she put any real effort into our sex life was probably the night we conceived!

Anyway, in my opinion you're not being selfish or too demanding.
If twice a week is the frequency you need to feel sexually satisfied and emotionally connected to her, then it's your RESPONSIBILITY to keep the issue on a front burner!

If you back off in the interests of "not being too demanding", then she will come to the conclusion that you're content. (and rightfully so)

When the rejection in-evitably takes its toll on your mood, personality, etc....she'll be left wondering why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 6:14pm

A couple of things on which I'd like to get clarification:


Pretty much the last 10 years i've been the initiator of the sex. But also over those last 8 years, i have not been happy about our quanity.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 9:22am

>>>>> That's only true if nice guys want to be desired by women that don't desire nice guys. <<<<<


The only women who desire sex are the ones who don't desire nice guys.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 9:43am

lol, Hold, I think you are on to something here. Not across the board, but in general, overall population wise. Of course I've been married to nice guy and a not nice guy. I used to like sex, but when with the nice guy, wasn't turned on by him. Now, with the not nice guy, uh, not turned on by him either. I'd love to be HL inside a relationship, but I don't think I'm built that way....

Relationships SUCK, (and not in the good way)

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 10:58am
hold, I think theres nice guy and then theres doormat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 7:55am
...HOLD!!!!!...if I were with you right now I would pick up the "blanket statement" stick and hit you with it!!!...I was married to a bad boy (he was Army SF as well..., so, he was also Rambo!!) and I was not attracted to him beyond the initial excitement phase...I am now married to a nice, stable, loving, respectful man who is also hot, tall, and sexy...and, I am very attracted to him...so...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 9:58am

Forgive the typo, i meant 7-9 days between sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 10:05am

See here's the thing... i don't believe myself to be a dormat. But if i find myself to be one now... its because of getting turned down has turned me into.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 1:05pm

I'm sorry, Rob, I'm still not clear on the situation.

The times it felt like a chore when she initiated, is when we were going on the "ovulating" clock. To me, that wasn't fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2009
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 12:03am

"Think about it, how confident can anybody ( man or woman ) possible be when they are denied?

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