sick of it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
sick of it
5
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 8:34pm
I feel that unless I am a total nymph that I am not good enough for my boyfriend. He wants sex all the time, always. It drives me crazy... it's not like I don't ever want it - just not ever second of everyday like him, and most of the time when we do actually have sex its because I have to really try hard mentally to get into it and it ends up just to be pleasing him... then when he doesn't get off I get extremly pissed because I forced myself to do it for him. He is constantly asking me for sex... never anything romantic... just "can we have sex?" probably 5+ times a day which makes me want it even less. It drives me crazy, I start to feel bad/guilty if I go a few days without doing it. He will half-jokingly say things like "fine, go downstairs so I can masturbate" to try to make me feel guilty. I don't think he would ever cheat on me, but I don't ever want sex as much as he does. We have been together over 2 years and are in our 20's - he's older. I'm not really asking any question or anything, just venting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: lmd03
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:17pm
I would pack my bags and leave the selfish SOB on his own. My husband was just like that, he could never have enough, problem is I was married to him and had kids. You, on the other hand, are not married to him, and do not have to put up with his abusive behavior. You can do better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
In reply to: lmd03
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:14am
Curious...
I was in a sexless marriage, so you probably have sex more times in one day than I had in a year.
Five times in a day?
How do you do that and hold jobs?
(not being sarcastic - just really curious).
Shortcake.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
In reply to: lmd03
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:56am
I think you misunderstood... he nags me 5+ times a day - we don't have sex more than 1 time day - maybe 3 times a week at most.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
In reply to: lmd03
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 6:04pm

From an Ann Landers column: "I'm a 16 year old teenager who is a nervous wreck from getting yelled at. All I hear from morning to night is; stop being mean to your brother, get off the phone, hang up your clothes, do your homework, and clean your room! How do I keep from being yelled at?"

Ann Landers answer: Stop being mean, get off the phone, hang up your clothes...

My apologies for what I know is a flippant response to a disconcerting problem, but there is a disconnect between the implication in the original note and this subsequent revelation:

"I think you misunderstood... he nags me 5+ times a day - we don't have sex more than 1 time day - maybe 3 times a week at most."

It looks like there is exaggeration/backpedalling going on here (and I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that your husband would exaggerate in an opposite manner that "sheesh, we have sex maybe 5 times a year").

The numbers are irrelevent, though - I would suggest (and it is to be taken with a huge grain of salt, since I know only what I can discern from this thread) that this is not a true case of ML, but rather an emotional disconnect to be investigated. There has been much discussion of the two at various places on these boards. My guess is that open discourse, intercourse of a verbal nature, if you will, contains the solution to this one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: lmd03
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 5:20pm

>>I think you misunderstood... he nags me 5+ times a day - we don't have sex more than 1 time day - maybe 3 times a week at most.<<

Well, I can only tell you what I tell my BF. For me, my sex drive is as strong as hunger for food, usually even stronger. Now, if he woke up hungry and I didn't make breakfast, and then didn't make lunch, , could I really blame him for being hungry all day?? Then why does he expect my sexual needs to just disappear?? I am going to be hungry until I am fed.
I can tell you what has worked for us. Since we have agreed that we will have sex twice a week, and one of those times we will focus on my getting off, I don't nag him. I know it is going to happen. I look forward to it, and meanwhile, he is not constantly feeling pressured. And believe me, I could have sex a LOT more times than twice a week, but it is not important enough to deal with the stress asking for that would cause. It bothers him that he cannot keep up with me sexually, and I don't want to hurt him. Meanwhile, I sort of supplement our 2 times a week with masturbating, and he knows that, and it is cool.
When your boyfriend asked you to go downstairs so he could masturbate, he was probably only half joking. If he needs that release, and you are not interested in helping him, the grown up thing to do is, um....go downstairs. Mike has taken more than one "trips to the store" when I needed to get off and he wasn't in the mood.
And you are right, he did intend, in some small measure I am sure, to hurt you, because, guess what, you constant rejection of him is extremely hurtful. If you are with a 20-something year old guy that is willing to settle for 3 times a week, he is probably already operating on the outer edges of his comfort zone. Meanwhile, you are rejecting him on a VERY personal level, and please believe, it hurts more than you can know.
This doesn't mean, of course, that he is allowed to just paw at you and treat you like a piece of meat. He needs to learn a little sensitivity. And you mentioned that you rarely get off. It sounds like a lot is not happening here, and you are going to have to communicate with him honestly and tactfully. Let him know that you would be more excited about sex if you could both work on your enjoyment. Also, maybe you could agree on "sex dates", where you agree that you will have some form of sexual contact. And if you are not interested in full blown intercourse on those dates, let me assure you that just showing interest in helping him get off or otherwise meet his sexual needs goes a long way. There are times when my BF just holds me and whispers into my ear and caresses me while I get myself off. This is not my favorite way of being sexual, but it beats sending him to the store for milk and bread for the 4th time that week.
Angela