STRESS causing LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
STRESS causing LL
7
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 6:02pm

Hi all. Well the past few weeks with work and et. all I have been very stressed and this has seemed to decrease my sex drive quite a bit, it was never extremely high, maybe 2x/ week. Now it's been almost 2 weeks. I'm so tierd when I get home I hardly want to take the time to cook dinner much less have sex.
Does anyone have a good tip on relaxing/destressing. Also how do I talk to him about this. He gets angry and feels I don't want to be with him and that's not the case.
When I know he's in the mood I will even avoid kissing him so I dont "Lead him on"

any suggestions??

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:26pm
Hi Jen.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 3:10pm

I TOTALLY understand what you are saying and I truly believe stress is 99% of it. I have a full time job, a full time mom of 3, a full time band that plays all of the time and take care of the finances and he cannot understand why I have no sex drive. One we start its ok-but I don't initiate, and wanna fall asleep even sometimes. I have not taken hormones in 6 years and wonder if that has anything to do with it. I have had gastric by-pass and lost 183 pounds and feel better, but still tired. If I try and explain to him that it is NOT him he just getes pissed...
Is there NOTHING we can take to help us?

Soph

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 3:39pm

>>>>> I have a full time job, a full time mom of 3, a full time band that plays all of the time and take care of the finances and he cannot understand why I have no sex drive.


Is there NOTHING we can take to help us?<<<<<


You don't need to take anything.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 3:54pm

"Is there NOTHING we can take to help us?"

Basically it is a matter of priorities. You can't do it all. You're stress so you have to cut back on things to reduce the stress. As a wise man from work told me years ago, you have a family, you have to cut back on things. They'll grow and you can back to some things you want to do then. So maybe the full time band needs to become a part time band or go away all together. Maybe your husband can help with the finances and/or kids.

Bottom line which is a higher priority your relationship with your husband or something else? If you gives you guff about helping out, let him know you love him and ask him what is important? If he feels that the sex and intimacy is important to the relationship, then he needs to help you find ways to reduce the stress. But three full time things going on in your life? Too much, wouldn't you say?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:32pm

In general, I don't believe stress causes LL as much as reveals it. When people are under stress, they seek to wind down with a fun, relaxing and nonstressful activity. Sex meets those criteria for HLs, not for LLs.

F.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:07pm

>>>>> I don't believe stress causes LL as much as reveals it. When people are under stress, they seek to wind down with a fun, relaxing and nonstressful activity. Sex meets those criteria for HLs, not for LLs.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 7:08pm

I agree about prioritizing. I am HL and my husband is LL but stress has affected our marriage/relationship in other arenas(other than sex). I was a six figure earning career woman who was finding myself uncreative, exhausted, b*tchy(I could go on...all "stress" related from my demanding career).

I re-prioritized....talked about it at great length with my spouse and we completely revamped our life to fit our priorities(not our material desires/greed or perceived necessities).

I resigned from my position to become full time stay at home mom and devoted housewife(also doing some work on a smaller scale in the artistic arena) and we moved to a small town; downsizing our house significantly. The problem was not just that I was stressed...it was that my husband was not where he should be on my priority list as a result of all the crap I was willingly doing that was stressing me out. He should have been at the very top and he wasn't. It is 9 months later. we have no extra money monthly(I dropped us easily by $10 000.00 per month) and we are immeasurably more happy as a family. I lost 35 lbs...quit smoking, rediscovered my inner artist....have way more time for my husband and children and every day I make him a kick *ss lunch and welcome him home with a gourmet dinner(5 out of 7 nights...I get to freebies where I do pizze or pasta or something). We are constantly outside playing together and enjoying the things we really love.

I am not saying the exact scenario applies...but take a good look at where he is in your priority list and look to what you can change about yourself first. I strongly suggest reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and/or "The Proper Care and Feeding of Relationships".

I am a strong woman....and after kicking ass in the corporate world I realize I belong as the heart of my family; not the heart of some company.....and that is what has destressed me in a way I would never have imagined.

Just an opinion. I wish you the greatest of luck in finding your own path to less stress.

Kimmie.

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