tables are SO turned...what the heck?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
tables are SO turned...what the heck?
3
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 2:05pm

First it was the interrogation any time I tried to initiate. The whole “why are you doing this now, all of a sudden.” We talked about that, and I thought we reached an understanding, but I was a little skittish and reluctant, so I waited a while before initiating again. Remember, I am the LL! I don’t really WANT to initiate. So now his big thing is “don’t touch me!” He says this any time I get near him. I am starting to try to think of ways to fix this damn thing, get back on track, whatever, and he’s sabotaging me at every turn. If he was trying to teach me a lesson..which he swears he wasn’t with the inquisition, I am definitely past learning it. I mean, I know what he was going through with me rejecting him. I am the one who wants it now and can’t get it! Enough already!! And I NEVER said to him “don’t touch me” I do say “stop” or “cut it out” when he is touching me in a way that I don’t like, or that doesn’t feel good to me, but for god’s sake, that’s NORMAL. I’m not really hoping for much in the way of advice here, but if anyone has some, I’d be glad to read it. It helps just to vent a little in any case.

Randa, the sexually frustrated LL!! I must be a total anomaly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 3:55pm

"And I NEVER said to him “don’t touch me” I do say “stop” or “cut it out” when he is touching me in a way that I don’t like, or that doesn’t feel good to me, but for god’s sake, that’s NORMAL."

Well, I'm trying to be kind here, but no, it's NOT normal. Frankly, it sounds rather mean-spirited and . . . "rejecting" is the best word.

I don't know your guy, but I sure am getting a "payback" vibe from what you've posted. Maybe he wants you to know how it feels and your saying, "Alright, I get it now," after a month or two doesn't constitute knowning how it feels. I think you'll know once you've lived with YEARS of it.

I'd suggest that you a) Apologize. I don't know why you were LL and now you're all ready to go. Interesting that you turn on when he turns off. Additionally, "cut it out," is pretty mean. b) Talk to him frankly about how to resolve it. If you two can't come to a resolution, might be time for you to learn to live with no sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 4:27pm

I didn't make myself very clear in that last post....and I am afraid you misinterpreted me. I don't say "stop" or "cut it out" DURING sex. I do it when he's pinching me, or poking me, or doing any number of other things that do NOT feel good/sexual to me. I didn't recap a prior post before making this one, and perhaps I should have. At one time we were in a D/s relationship with a fair amount of S&M in it. Due to some unfortunate events, my entire physical makeup has changed, and my psychological makeup as well in a lot of ways. I have lost the ability to eroticize pain in any way. It's confusing for him, and for me. The old surefire ways to get my motor running don't work anymore. For quite a while I had no sexual interest at all. I guess you could call me a recovering LL. I am trying to rediscover myself sexually, and working as hard at it as I did to recover from severe depression and anxiety.

Hopefully that clarifies things some

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 6:24pm

"Hopefully that clarifies things some"

Yep, that does clear things up.

I'll stick with this, though. Sounds like petulance on his part, not LL.