Tips and tricks you've found as a LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Tips and tricks you've found as a LL
18
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 12:56am

Hi guys, I am new to these boards and need some advice. I am LL and obviously this is taking a toll on my relationship. I am only 22, my SO is 24. We're young, I thought I was too young for something like this to happen. Even just 2 years ago, I was an all out HL, practically a nympho.

I'm still attracted to my BF, but just can't get there physically anymore. If, in the off-chance, I want it in my head, my body can't catch up. I can't get lubricated and then it hurts, and then I don't want it for a really long time, so it's just a bad cycle. My love is pretty understanding for the most part, but obviously he gets frustrated sometimes and feels rejected. Worst of all, I loved being as HL as I was. *I* don't like feeling like this.

What are somethings that you've found that helps you get in the mood, even if it's just a little? Best advice?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 11:32am

I'm a little confused. Maybe you could help us with a little more information. Specifically:


You said, "I'm still attracted to my BF, but just can't get there physically anymore. If, in the off-chance, I want it in my head, my body can't catch up...What are somethings that you've found that helps you get in the mood, even if it's just a little?" This leads me to believe that you define arousal for you as having two parts for you: the mental/emotional part and the physical part. Most LL's consider themselves LL because the mental/emotional component of arousal isn't present. And they define "being in the mood" as being aroused mentally/emotionally and being attracted to their partner. (Studies have also shown that most women experience the

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 12:28pm

I guess from all the responses I've seen is that I should try more lubes. I have tried a lubricant in the past and I didn't like it at all. It just didn't replicate my natural lubrication. From what I gather, stress can be a large part of this "issue" so it's possibly just a phase I'm going through and that I shouldn't be labeling myself.

However, yes, most of the time I do want sex mentally (but there are also occasions where I just don't for a period of time, and that's also frustrating). But I do think about it, I talk about it, I look at my partner and imagine it, etc. But physically, I can't get wet. So I'll be looking into lubes, I guess I just skipped over that solution because I've had a bad experience with one and being a student, some of them are so darn expensive for something I may never use again if I don't like it..

Off to the drugstore/sex store!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 12:50pm

<>

Is this really true (an honest question) for you? Can you feel turned on, raring to go, tense and poised for action, and yet be totally limp? On a related note, can your heart be hammering from arousal while down below you're still limp?

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 12:56pm
Yes, I've been experiencing that more and more frequently. I've even had limp ejaculations with all the other physical and brain-chemical responses
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 1:15pm
My experience is similar to MST's.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 1:27pm
...my husband described his immediate post recovery from prostate cancer treatment just this way...he said that the frustration of being emotional raring to go and not being able to physically follow through was greater than the frustration of not having a responsive, engaging, enthusiastic partner during his first marriage...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 5:28am

You know what worked for my low libido? Divorce. I was 24 and had gone from really high libido to nothing. Nada. Would rather stick pins in my eyes than have sex with him.

Though I was in love with him, but in the end I think 'love' was more of a habit. I was not willing to admit to myself that my feelings for him had changed.

Anyway, separated from husband...met the man of my dreams shortly after and have had a good libido ever since.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 10:50am
...unfortunately...the same for me...what cured my low libido was no longer being married to a man that I held no attraction for...
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 12:01pm

I think the same would be true for Mrs. Hold.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 12:25pm
I'm curious about something. It seems as though you had a strong desire for sex with your first husband, which desire then stopped or diminished drastically. But with your second partner, your desire for sex has stayed high. If that's the case, what do you think is the difference? You? Him? Could you have experienced a low desire for your first husband but told yourself it was okay to marry him anyway?

Pages