Unmet needs of LL's?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Unmet needs of LL's?
12
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 6:48pm

I have read many accounts of the unmet needs of the HL's in a ML relationship. I'm curious to hear more about the unmet needs of LL's.


I am the LL in a 15 year ML marriage. My husband is a hypomanic, workaholic, figity intellectual(and a very kind and generous man). I am a reclusive, lazy , empathetic artist type . We compliment eachother in many more ways than we clash. I have had short term lovers that I was quite physically in sync with but a long term partnership would not have worked.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 8:33am
I am VERY curios to see your replies. If you've done your research you will find that after enough rejection and frustration HLs tend to withdraw. Some look for and find alternative activities in order not to have to deal with their situation. ie work, golf the gym etc.
After all if you can't have any sweets why spend so much time at the bakery.
IMHO an HL meeting this need of your could trigger the desire to have his need met and well here we go again.

Dirty
Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 11:31am

I've been on both sides of this equation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 12:15pm
We have actively worked on compromise for years and are at a pretty sane, comfortable place, but due to the difference in our temperaments there are things that we both miss out on. I can live with that. I'm lucky to have him in my life. But I wanted to open up a thread for LL's to vent about or examine or share about their unmet needs. Most of what I have read here on the topic of LL are folks wondering what is wrong with them. Setting that assumption aside is a constructive place to start.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 3:23pm

Annie,


I know whereof you speak.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 6:28pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 10:51am

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I've over done my homework on this subject so I know that it is also true that after enough pressure and guilt LL's tend to withdraw and focus on other rewarding activities as well. I'm very familiar with the cycle. And I think that both parties are grieving the things they are not getting, not just the HLs.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 09-30-2007 - 9:06pm

A bit of a rhetorical question: is "the need for less sex" a legitimate need? We're so used to thinking of needs in terms of filling up holes. Can trimming an excess also constitute a need?

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 11:50am

That is a great question . Stated as you have, a need being a desire for less of something, rings intuitively accurate, but logically I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Which means it will be near impossible for me to communicate

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 11:57am

Perhaps it would be easier to undertsand if we used a more graphic and unpleasant mental image.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:36pm

Very well put, Hold. I've always thought that, for a HL, you have an uncommonly good ability to see things from the LL side of the fence. It's too bad this ability doesn't seem to alleviate your frustration about the ML in your own marriage!

Freelanec

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