Used to be HL now LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Used to be HL now LL
5
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 10:24am
I am 35, in a 3 yr live in relationship. I have always had a high sex drive but now i never think about sex at all.. My SO has never been a high libido partner. Basically i was the initiator and he went with that. Now we go weeks and no intimacy. i am sure there are other issues that are causing lack of drive ( relationship issues) i work alot, have a few health ailments for which take some meds for (prilosec, zyrtec, zantac and other antihistamines), have a teenage child who is grad 8th grade, etc.but i have never been so unfeeling in that area. I went off b/c pills thinking they were causing me the low libido but i still really dont want it. We will try today as its vday and its been 3 weeks. Its kind of boring and i wish he was more aggressive and innovative and he says i dont want him to now. What are your thoughts? What can i do and what can he do? I asked my gyno and he said its normal for women to start feeling like this in their 30's (his biggest complaint) and theres NOTHING for women, just for men :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 3:20pm
...wow...this is the first I've heard of women "normally" losing their libido during their 30s...if fact, I've heard that women often (not all women) experience a surge in libido in their mid/late 30s/40s...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 5:53pm
well i didnt think so either..but my gyno says the "sex gets better in the 30s and 40s is not what he hears" i thought i would have better sex and better drive but i have to say my 20's to my early 30s was the best..then again i work more hours now and feel more stressed out..so it could be a factor..dont know..and im heavier in weight than i was too ...so im sure it all factors in..
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 8:14pm
Mine was high in my 30s but increased significantly after stopping BC pills in my 40s.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 11:49am
I'm not surprised that your libido is faltering given that your partner is as unresponsive as you say. Not sure what you are expecting to find...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 1:23pm

I would look for another doctor if I were you. Any doctor who marginalizes your complaints and tells you "just deal with it, it's your age/stage in life/whatever" is worthless in my opinion. If it bothered you enough to talk to the dr. then it deserves the dr's consideration.

That being said, there's very little to be done medically for low libido in women. You could seek some couples counseling or read some relationship books, about spicing things up, etc. There are a lot of books about getting your groove back. "Reclaiming Desire" or "The Sex-Starved Marriage" or "Rekindling Desire" or "Reclaiming your Sexual Self" might be some titles you want to look at. Of course it sounds like you are going to need some cooperation from your husband, because his behavior has an influence too. Some guys are "too nice" to initiate, or they are too worried about getting shot down. You guys will have to talk a lot about what you can each do to make one another feel comfortable and to feel desire. There are also games and other types of books that you can get to "spark" things and get them moving in the right direction. "Speak Love, Make Love" is a cool board game for couples also the books "101 Nights of Great Sex" and "101 Nights of Great Romance" are cool books, they have sealed "assignments" inside, and you guys each pick from these and implement them.

The most important thing is to approach the problem as a TEAM and get him on board with helping you to find what you've lost.

Good Luck

roo and snowy siggie