Variety

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Variety
37
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:33pm
DH and I had an interesting conversation the other night about variety and his need for sexual “variety”. As we were talking I had to remind him, that between the two of us I am really far more adventurous. I will go to any restaurant once, try any new food at least once, see different plays movies ect. And he typically wants to go to the same restaurants, and when we go out to eat, he always orders the same thing.

It took me years to get him to go golfing with me, and he is still hesitant to go to plays or the opera. But, in the area of sex he wants lots of variety. I don’t understand that, you would think that he would be the one that liked the “comfortable” and I would want the “novel”. And to some degree I do, but I don’t feel it is necessary or even desirable to invest hours of time and hundreds of dollars to be able to have sex differently, especially since in reality the sex is the same.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:37pm

I like variety in all things, but I find with sex that there really isn't any "variety" unless I am with a different partner. It doesn't matter if you blindfold me, tie me up, take to Jamaica, do it on the dining room table, use toys, etc, it is still the same sex. He does it the same no matter what we change, if that makes any sense at all.

Now the desire for variety for things besides sex has sort of been squashed out of me because although DH will go anywhere and try anything, he will complain about anything that is not exactly perfect. Most experiences for me are ruined by his complaining, so I stick with what I know won't draw his ire, rather than "experiment" with a place or thing he might not "like."

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:53pm

Does he want sexual variety meaning having sex in different places or does he mean different ways of having sex, different types of sex, doing things the two of you have never done, exploring more sexual ways?

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:54pm
I agree with you. It makes complete sense to me. And after 10 years of DH and I being sexually intimate together there is little left for us that is truly new and different. That being said, I like the fact that I know him and he knows me and together we know what works for us. All the rest of it is just so much props and window dressing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:57pm

"Does he want sexual variety meaning having sex in different places or does he mean different ways of having sex, different types of sex, doing things the two of you have never done, exploring more sexual ways? "

He means different places, different positions, ect. We've explored pretty much everything that is within our hard boundaries. I accommodate him in his desires because I want him happy, even if sex in the garage or being blindfolded doesn't really add anything to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 2:03pm

I shared this on another thread but my desire for variety grew exponentially as my DW's sexual desire began to drop at around the 15 year mark in our marriage.



I really thought I wanted this and that because that's where my mind naturally focused it's interest. Most of what I asked for could be defined as DW going out of her way because she 'wanted' sex but only

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:07pm

I'm the same way: very adventurous in most facets of life (food, travel, career, etc.), but not with sex. I suppose it's because I don't get much out of sexual experimentation.

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:08pm
This isn't really new. He demonstrated the same level of interest in variety even when our libidos were evenly matched. It was just interesting that he's only adventurous in this one area, where I'm more adventurous in all aspects of my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:11pm

I love variety and I get bored with sameness, pretty quickly in fact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:15pm

I've had my fair share of variety, both in partners and in kink. And for the most part, the kink is props and window dressing. Yes, it can be fun to dress up and have a tea party, but you're still drinking tea. And what the variety in partners had taught me is that everyone is different.

I don't mind doing what DH wants, provided his isn't bucking against my hard boundaries. It makes him happy, so why not.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 3:18pm

I submit it is because of the ego stroke from your consent.

When you see it coming, duck!

Pages