Variety

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Variety
37
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:33pm
DH and I had an interesting conversation the other night about variety and his need for sexual “variety”. As we were talking I had to remind him, that between the two of us I am really far more adventurous. I will go to any restaurant once, try any new food at least once, see different plays movies ect. And he typically wants to go to the same restaurants, and when we go out to eat, he always orders the same thing.

It took me years to get him to go golfing with me, and he is still hesitant to go to plays or the opera. But, in the area of sex he wants lots of variety. I don’t understand that, you would think that he would be the one that liked the “comfortable” and I would want the “novel”. And to some degree I do, but I don’t feel it is necessary or even desirable to invest hours of time and hundreds of dollars to be able to have sex differently, especially since in reality the sex is the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 4:50pm

I don't really care about bragging, I just enjoyed the feelings of power and sexuality and desirability that I got in the "good old days."

As far as glory and acclaim, eh not so much.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 4:50pm

Then it sounds like he had a very good thing, mismanaged it, and lost it.



What a shame.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 4:52pm

>>Then it sounds like he had a very good thing, mismanaged it, and lost it.

What a shame.<<

For both of us...

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 7:50am

While I think the idea of ego stroke has an element of truth in it, and may be relevant here, I dispute that it's primary to the extent you're describing it, and I think it will depend on the person.



I don't feel the need of ego stroking that much, my ego is indeed large but feels pretty secure!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 9:36am

<>

I'm a shameless acclaim hound. It's the impulse to power that I don't get.

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2010
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 6:07pm

There seems to be a lot of variation in desire for variety in sex vs. other things and also reasons behind the desire for variety.



I usually make

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 9:17pm

To me, it doesn't really make any difference at all. Shaved or not, toys or not (this is common with us), stockings and garter belt or not it doesn't change the essential physical sensations of sex. All of that is just window dressing and props.

At this point as long as he isn't bucking my hard boundaries (there aren't many) I'm okay. I just don't get the "thrill" out of it he does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 2:00pm

So, the answer is what....less stroking of his ego? Because honestly, I could do without another romp in the car that leaves me laid up with a heating pad for two days...Maybe all I need to do is wait until he gets tired of paying for the chiropractor and massage therapist. ;)



I think you said in another thread that your husband’s primary love language is acts of service—so wouldn’t his ego be stroked more by you detailing his car (and leaving your calling card letting him know you did it for him)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 2:03pm
lolol! Good one, MST. Besides being funny, you might have point, and you've reminded me of something I wanted to post about.
roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: tiptoeingaround
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 2:13pm
That's possible, and it's something I'll try. I might polish all his shoes for him, or clean his golf clubs. His truck is never in need of detailing as he is rather particular about taking care of his "pride and joy". I really can't say anything, I'm the same way with my car.