Variety
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Variety
| Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:33pm |
DH and I had an interesting conversation the other night about variety and his need for sexual “variety”. As we were talking I had to remind him, that between the two of us I am really far more adventurous. I will go to any restaurant once, try any new food at least once, see different plays movies ect. And he typically wants to go to the same restaurants, and when we go out to eat, he always orders the same thing.
It took me years to get him to go golfing with me, and he is still hesitant to go to plays or the opera. But, in the area of sex he wants lots of variety. I don’t understand that, you would think that he would be the one that liked the “comfortable” and I would want the “novel”. And to some degree I do, but I don’t feel it is necessary or even desirable to invest hours of time and hundreds of dollars to be able to have sex differently, especially since in reality the sex is the same.
It took me years to get him to go golfing with me, and he is still hesitant to go to plays or the opera. But, in the area of sex he wants lots of variety. I don’t understand that, you would think that he would be the one that liked the “comfortable” and I would want the “novel”. And to some degree I do, but I don’t feel it is necessary or even desirable to invest hours of time and hundreds of dollars to be able to have sex differently, especially since in reality the sex is the same.
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I like variety in all things, but I find with sex that there really isn't any "variety" unless I am with a different partner. It doesn't matter if you blindfold me, tie me up, take to Jamaica, do it on the dining room table, use toys, etc, it is still the same sex. He does it the same no matter what we change, if that makes any sense at all.
Now the desire for variety for things besides sex has sort of been squashed out of me because although DH will go anywhere and try anything, he will complain about anything that is not exactly perfect. Most experiences for me are ruined by his complaining, so I stick with what I know won't draw his ire, rather than "experiment" with a place or thing he might not "like."
Does he want sexual variety meaning having sex in different places or does he mean different ways of having sex, different types of sex, doing things the two of you have never done, exploring more sexual ways?
"Does he want sexual variety meaning having sex in different places or does he mean different ways of having sex, different types of sex, doing things the two of you have never done, exploring more sexual ways? "
He means different places, different positions, ect. We've explored pretty much everything that is within our hard boundaries. I accommodate him in his desires because I want him happy, even if sex in the garage or being blindfolded doesn't really add anything to me.
I shared this on another thread but my desire for variety grew exponentially as my DW's sexual desire began to drop at around the 15 year mark in our marriage.
I really thought I wanted this and that because that's where my mind naturally focused it's interest. Most of what I asked for could be defined as DW going out of her way because she 'wanted' sex but only
I'm the same way: very adventurous in most facets of life (food, travel, career, etc.), but not with sex. I suppose it's because I don't get much out of sexual experimentation.
F.
I love variety and I get bored with sameness, pretty quickly in fact.
I've had my fair share of variety, both in partners and in kink. And for the most part, the kink is props and window dressing. Yes, it can be fun to dress up and have a tea party, but you're still drinking tea. And what the variety in partners had taught me is that everyone is different.
I don't mind doing what DH wants, provided his isn't bucking against my hard boundaries. It makes him happy, so why not.
I submit it is because of the ego stroke from your consent.
When you see it coming, duck!
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