Want's Sex- He Doesn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-1999
Want's Sex- He Doesn't
4
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 12:31am

I've been married for many years. My husband is 10 yrs older. To be honest we got married for the wrong reasons. Long story but I got kicked out in a nice way (my mother was burned out of teenagers) so I was looking for someone to take care of me. We have 2 grown kids. He has always been quick about it, all one sided not doing oral to me always him, and I just got tired and fed up with it. So for 2 years no sex 10 yrs unhappy 10-15 unhappy he is verbally abusive spoke to him many times that he only last 5 minuts and this has gone on for over 20 yrs he sees nothing wrong with it, so I told him if it was important to please his wife he would have gone to a Dr. over 22 yrs ago. He told me he has no interest in me, no desire for me so in turn I had affairs and am having a affair now. I told him I don't do drugs, smoke, drink gamble but I won't live without sex and what he is doing is cruel., and what would he do in my shoes and does he blame me and he said no so when I go out and I don't tell him where I'm going he tells me that I'm whoring around, oh well. H don't care if he aimed to please me instead of nosex it wouldn't happen.

Please ADVISE!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 11:36am

Simple but sounds like for you, very hard to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 12:26pm

Are you asking for opinions on leaving or are you asking what you can do to make your current situation workable? It really just doesn't sound like there's anything to work out in your marriage. It doesn't sound as if it has been a happy union for the majority of your time together. If you were to stay, you would have to take a long look at what's going on in your life, in your marriage, and decide whether or not you could live with it even if nothing changed. The way you describe things, my money's on no.


So, after 22 years, are you now able to support yourself? If so, I see nothing blocking you from leaving. If you are not able to support yourself, you need to get those ducks in a row. Quickly.


I hope it all works out for you and your family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 3:05pm

Great comments as usual, HB. One thing to add...


If you are not able to support yourself, you need to get those ducks in a row. Quickly.


If there is truly verbal abuse going on, I advocate leaving without the ducks in a row. There is alimony, there is extended family, there are churches and there are charitable organizations that can help. It doesn't take money to pack a suitcase and move in with a sibling.


However, I sometimes wonder about abuse when it isn't brought up in the title of the thread nor in the first 5 sentences of the original post. Take that phrase out of the post and it appears to be a classic case of an LL man and an HL woman. In response to his lack of interest, she has affairs. If

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 6:13pm
I confess I glossed over the verbally abusive comment. I agree with you. If there really is abuse going on, then it's time to leave. It was probably time to leave a long time ago, abuse or no abuse.