When is it okay to gently say no?
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| Fri, 09-17-2010 - 1:00pm |
As many of you may know, DH and I have a "sex on demand" policy running for the past several months. And until now, this really hasn't been an issue, but here in the past week or so, DH has tried initiating when I'm very intensely absorbed in studying. I'm a university student, and I am at the point where I'm deeply into my major courses. It's tough, and I need to be able to focus on studying.
Is it okay to suggest a "rain-check" until the next morning? Or should I just drop the studying and oblige right then? I asked for a rain check the other day, and though he said he was okay with it, he seemed a bit frustrated. Is there a better way to do this, because I have to make decent grades. He knows how committed I am to getting my degree, and the decision for me to go back was a joint decision.
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Miranda,
My exwife of 27 years ago was a sophomore in college and I changed teaching jobs so that we could get married and go to the school that she wanted to go to.
Why is it okay to expect a person to provide sex because someone is "bored?" This is something I just don't get. When I am bored, I expect to have to entertain myself, I don't expect someone else to drop everything because I am "bored." This makes me crazy. It is a serious problem in my home. DH really is looking for a plaything, not a partner, and it drives me mad. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, or how important it is, if he's bored, I'm supposed to be available. It also happens when I am at work. He will call me while I am doing WORKING and be ticked off if I don't have time to entertain him.
WTF is up with this kind of mindset?
I am sure that is what he wants "all other things being equal".
When you see it coming, duck!
Okay, sorry.
I was trying to reconcile
Because that isn't what DH wants. I actually asked him about that this weekend, and it offended him (as I suspected it would). Here's his reasoning, if I am not there with him physically and mentally participating in the sex, then he feels disrespected. For myself, study requires focus, which I can't have if DH has me bent over the desk.
If it works for you and your GF, then that is wonderful. However, that particular option is not going to work well in my relationship with DH.
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