Working out a compromise
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|Tue, 01-01-2008 - 8:03pm|
DH and I have been doing really well in the bedroom lately. In the past we had problems though. Mainly DH wanting sex more than me and we would get in some pretty nasty arguments. Well, I turned him down a few days ago (Saturday night) and he was very upset. He didn't go into one of his major rants, but he was pretty upset and said some pretty mean things. This is something I want to avoid because it brings up some bad feelings between us. I don't want to have sex because he is being mean, and then he doesn't want to initiate cause he's mad, but he continues to bad mouth me. This can be a vicious cycle that goes on for days.
Since then we have had sex twice. But I am in one of my phases where my need for sex is pretty low. We mainly had sex last night for New Years, and I don't have a problem with that, but now I really don't want sex for a couple days. One of the problems with the Saturday night rejection was DH started touching me and I didn't stop him, and when he saw I wasn't responding he got very upset. I was trying to allow myself time to get excited, and it just wasn't happening. Now, I could have said right off the bat no, but I thought I would give it a chance.
I think the best way to avoid hurt feelings and uncomfortable situations in the bedroom is to set the tone before we go to bed. DH is big on texting with his cell phone. And we are always around our phones. So I figured we could come up with a text system. I know that sounds silly, but at least we would know ahead of time if we wanted sex or not. It will take the pressure off, and allow for hurt feelings to stop. There are times I don't want sex, but am willing to take care of DH, I can let him know that. That way he won't touch me in a way that would be annoying to me, and I can just give him the cue when I'm ready for sex. And sometimes I want romantic sex, and I can let him know that so he just doesn't jump in for the kill and annoy me, which will turn me totally off.
I'm optimistic about this. Plus, it could be fun!