5 Love Languages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
5 Love Languages
68
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 11:03pm

I’ve read Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages,” and was curious if anyone here had any thoughts on it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Sat, 03-19-2011 - 9:24am

I thought this was a very good book in many ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 03-19-2011 - 1:34pm

I think the "five love languages" concept is excellent. Like you, I believe the "physical touch" category needs to be divided into sexual and nonsexual touch. Take me, for instance: I ADORE cuddling with my DH, having my feet rubbed, caressing each other (nonsexually) in bed, etc. But my need for sexual activity is very low. Surely there are other people like me.

F.

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Registered: 10-31-2009
Sat, 03-19-2011 - 8:56pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Sat, 03-19-2011 - 11:40pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 03-19-2011 - 11:55pm
dejected2006 wrote:

...I thought the message was that we need to be aware of what our spouses' love languages are since they are very likely to differ from our own, and to make sure we express love to our partners in their own love languages as opposed to ours, which is what I think we would all be inclined to do by default for lack of knowing any better...Having the same love language as one's spouse would certainly be convenient, but I don't think it's a necessity if both partners are willing and committed to being flexible for their mutual benefit.

But do you really think it's enough in every case just to "be aware"? And can people really "express love" adequately in a non-native language in every case? For example, if a HL woman needs her husband to initiate sex passionately with her and to be an imaginative and
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Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 6:55am
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Registered: 05-25-2006
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 11:25am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 12:52pm

we do each understand where the other is coming from better as a result.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 9:28am
TG, except for the fact that my DH is HL, it sometimes feels like we are married to the same fella. This esp caught me:

>> I've always taken pride in keeping my house clean, taking good care of our laundry, cooking,...etc. However, my H has always criticized these acts. For example, he's often said, "What do you do? Take the clothes out back and beat them with a rock?" And he's said, "You're too impatient. You don't saute the onions long enough." Therefore, I tried to treat our clothes even more tenderly than ever, and I summoned all of my patience to saute those damned onions for as long as I could stand. However, he never noticed any of my efforts, and I soon became discouraged.<<

Most of what I do is met with what I feel is criticism. I am not sure if my DH means it that way or not...but that's how it sounds, to me and to observers. Additionally he does this:

>>Whenever my H has said, "I trimmed the bushes for you," << and many other things. In fact he makes a big deal out of anything he does around the house. I think to myself, "big whoop" I do stuff every damn day. What does he want, a cookie? Of course this may be due to the fact that I work full time, and he doesn't work and I still do the bulk of the housework....and get criticized. I dunno.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 9:29am
>>The other point that one can get discouraged when trying to express differently is more about the corrosive effect of negativity in a relationship - I've worked hard to get to the point where I assume that the other person is trying to help, and if they are not doing so in a way I want, then it's my job to help them understand or express it differently (so it wouldn't be criticism, and you can certainly say thank-you for the good intent).<<

Mol, this is bloody brilliant! Can you come and give my DH a seminar?

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