Advice badly needed. I feel like time is running out on a 10-year marriage.
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|Wed, 07-18-2012 - 3:24pm|
I'll try to cover as much as possible as quickly as possible. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have one child (girl, 7). We had been in marriage counseling for over a year. Things were bad but not in the sense that we were fighting - things just went sort of "flat." We both seemed to be going through the motions and while we were still close, our intimacy took a hit. Needless to say, our sex life suffered. Counseling became like picking at a scab - it would leave us both emotionally and physically exhausted, so we decided to get a little oxygen and take a break.
Overall, things between us have improved greatly since we suspended therapy about 6 months ago, but except for one sexual encounter, it's been nothing. It almost hurts me to write this but it's probably been once in the past year! We're both in our late 30s BTW.
I've tried everything to re-ignite the "spark" even going as far as losing weight, working out, spending more time together, offering massages, etc. Nothing. She claims to have strong sexual desires, just not with me because there is a connection that isn't there (yet) which she says she needs. While I respect her position, I sometime wonder if we're just so 'out of practice' that the thought of sex has become foreign and awkward. In the days when we did have sex on a fairly regular basis, it was always very satisfying for both of us.
Of course, I've had suspicions of affairs and even found what I thought was a smoking gun - emails/texts from some guys she met on a girls' trip. She swore up and down that nothing had happened and they were simply friends so what choice did I have but to believe her?
Anyway, I've come here out of desperation. I love her dearly. I love her family and our family dearly and the thought of divorce is hard to even consider even in my darkest moments. But a life devoid of sex feels unfulfilling on a lot of differrent levels. I want more than a close friend whom I share a child and home with.
I guess what I'm wondering is if these situations ever end happily. As much as I hope the spark gets re-ignited, it seems unlikely that she is going to one day wake up and decide that I'm once again desirable.
I've always been a confident person and have never had a difficult time attracting women, but my self-esteem is getting absolutely CRUSHED!