Advice on how to keep my cool

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Advice on how to keep my cool
73
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 4:03pm

My partner and I have mismatched libidos big time!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 6:37pm

It's even more fun after 30 years....Just wait and see what it does to your self esteem. Fix it or leave..Better pain that hurts bad now instead of the long term corrosion of your self-worth....with the occassional nuggets of soul searing agony.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 7:12pm

Think of something you enjoy doing occasionally, perhaps even regularly, but not every day -- maybe it's gardening, going to a museum or swimming in a lake. Now imagine your boyfriend keeps pestering you about it: Why don't you want to garden with me? Don't you love me? It's been two whole days, etc. How would that make you feel, after weeks and months of it? Try to accept that your boyfriend feels this way about sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 7:39pm
Ok thanks for the advice. I read you loud and clear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 8:55pm
crustyglitter wrote:

My partner and I have mismatched libidos big time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 12:15am
Very good points. I was speaking to a friend of mine who hasn't has sex with her fiance since November! OUCH so I really should not worry / complain. I don't get why some men get like this over time ... they start out wanting you all the time and then it dies down as the relationship goes on. It's hard not to think "maybe it's me" but perhaps it's just the way it goes. I can live with 2 - 3 times a week ... that is better than 2 or 3 times a year! YIKES who would only want it 2 or 3 times a year ... I would die! :)
I like your suggestion though, thank you for the idea. Him pleasing me with a vibrator or his hand may also get him in the mood for more! Great idea!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 8:03am

....I think you should read, read, read...educate yourself a little...stop thinking in blanket terms "why do MEN get this way over time?"...it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the individual...by the way...another poster has some good suggestions...my husband prefers to have sex 2 times a day, 7 days a week...I am good with (sexually satisfied) 3-4 times a week...we've compromised at once a day...he's on the losing end with a bigger compromise, but he seems (tells me) satisfied and not left feeling ignored or starved...I think it's great that you are open to having him engage with you a few times a week with activity other than intercourse, but I would caution you to enjoy it for what it is (his enthusiastic participation...if he does, indeed, enthusiastically participate) and not as a possible way to add some zip to his libido...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 3:03am

>>Him pleasing me with a vibrator or his hand may also get him in the mood for more! Great idea!<<

Or it could make him feel little better than a sex slave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 4:20am

However, if I'm not in the mood I couldn't think of anything less appealing than being asked to service him

I think that reflects your attitude to it rather than what it could be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 5:24am

..I think it's all in the attitude...you "service" your man, I please mine...same act, different attitude...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 12:27pm
It is funny you mention this:

"While I certainly agree that sex is a fun and enjoyable thing...and there's nothing wrong with a healthy libido.....I wonder if your high libido is partly driven by you seeking reassurance through sex. *He has sex with me, therefore he still loves me*.

What do you think? "

Beacause I have thought the same ... I perhaps may be looking for reassurance. These are all great points and things I need to bring up to my therapist (once I get one, hope it's soon ... I am on a wait list). I think you are absoultely correct with your question true.blue-.strine. Thank you for reminding me that this could be a possibility.

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