another odd admission

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
another odd admission
60
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 3:00pm

On top of DHs recent revelation that he is going to "miss" my fat, he made another admission today that had me gobsmacked.

He confessed today that he knows how unfair and wrong it is to keep on waking me in the middle of the night for sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 3:25pm

...but you know, I just can't help it, I want to be with you and to have you and you should be glad that I feel that way

Yeah, the problem is that clearly he thinks that you being glad he feels that way outweighs any negative impact on your sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 3:31pm

No need to take offense, but I hope that you know that you deserve every minute of lost sleep due to you allowing this crime to continue?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 4:04pm
>>No need to take offense, but I hope that you know that you deserve every minute of lost sleep due to you allowing this crime to continue?<<

We've covered this material at length before, Glenn. You know I am not calling the cops on him. Let's not rehash an oldie but goodie, k?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 4:05pm
>> At least you got some insight into his behavior.<<

yes, but this is typical for him. All his negative behaviors have reasons that are clearly beyond his control or someone else's fault.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 6:35pm
It shows a profound, and possibly even pathological, lack of empathy and self-centeredness. And you fall on the other extreme. Makes perfect sense why you ended up together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 12:20pm

<< We've covered this material at length before, Glenn. You know I am not calling the cops on him. Let's not rehash an oldie but goodie, k? >>

Okay, substitute the word "crime" with "travesty" and instead of calling the cops, notify him that you will sleeping in a different room, hotel room, different house, move out all together, etc. if need be then do it if need be. Until then, you deserve what you get.

Do you have any idea of the number of psychological and mental heath risks associated with long-term sleep deprivation? I speak from experience here and get this... it wasn't until I started getting a steady, continuous 6.5+ hrs. of uninterrupted sleep a night that I was finally successful in solving my ML conflict both in the short, then the long term. It takes a clear and rested mind to solve the tough problems.

It might be different if you were getting some other need met in the process but you're not. It's a lose lose situation for you and I can guarantee you that you H would find other times to get his rocks off if you ever did decide to

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 10:10am
Well, I knew not to expect an actual change in behavior, right?

Last night, after a weekend filled with so much activity I was ready to drop, I finally got to sleep sometime between 10:30 and 11. At quarter to 4 I was awakened by groping. I tried to ignore it, but knew that wouldn't work as it had been several days since he had sex. I sat up, got the lube and said "let's get you taken care of so I have some chance in hell of getting back to sleep" I did NOT say this in a nasty or condescending way, and did not accompany it with an eyeroll or grimace of any kind. I was careful to keep any kind of negativity out of it, but wanted to sort of "remind" him of his earlier comment.

He responded with "that makes me feel really good to hear you say that" and I replied "we've talked about this in the last week, and I haven't have a good night's sleep in how many days?" He replied that this was not because of him, and I said I knew it wasn't, but the net outcome was that I was exhausted.

We commenced with sex at that point, and fortunately for me it was less than 10 minutes total investment (wow, that NEVER happens!) Of course I could not fall back asleep at that point. Neck and back pain kept me from finding a comfortable position, and I just have a general hard time falling asleep. I finally got back to sleep around 5 and slept until just shy of 7.

We are supposed to be having a house guest starting tonight and staying for most of the week, so I don't know what my sleep will be like from here. I might have to medicate! Of course that doesn't work well, because the medication hangover is as bad as being tired..... We'll see.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 9:08am
I woke up yesterday morning with a lovely UTI, and our house guest arrived around 4 pm. Took until almost 8 pm for the doctor to call me back and call in a script, so it was 10 pm by the time I got it picked up and taken, then after 11 pm before I got to sleep. No night time molestations, because DH feels like my UTI is somehow his fault (wtf? does the entire world hinge on him in some way....oh wait, yes, yes it does! lol) DH came to bed st some completely random time, don't remember, barely woke up. Slept straight thru till around 6 am. That is almost a full night's sleep! Whoo hoo!

Bad news. Can't use the hot tub until the meds kick in (a couple of days.) Houseguest is staying till Wednesday or Thursday (I think...maybe longer, who knows.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 3:45pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 6:38pm

TG, if I had your tact... I'd burn mine.

Unfortunately, that would be about a three second fire before running out of fuel.

LOL

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