anthropology and non-monogamy
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|Thu, 07-15-2010 - 10:54am|
The book http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehistoric-Origins-Sexuality/dp/0061707805?mbid=synd_yshine this person wrote looks very interesting, and the things he has to say in his interview http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/ask-an-expert-why-famous-men-cheat-and-what-our-ancestors-really-thought-of-sex-and-monogamy-2029786/?pg=2#comments really sounded right to me.
Here's some quotes
"In Sex at Dawn, we are careful to distinguish sexual monogamy from emotional monogamy. It's quite possible that many of our ancestors maintained very special, uniquely intimate relationships over their entire adult lives, but unlikely that many of them considered sexual exclusivity to be a necessary part of that intimacy. So, perhaps our ancient ancestors felt just as much "love" as any of us do, but they very probably considered sex to be a separate matter."
"Rosemary: In long-term relationships, why does the sexual passion fade even though the couple’s love grows?
Christopher: It fades because its work is done. Sexual passion is a force for drawing two people together. Once they are together, it's utterly natural for that passion to fade. If the couple are compatible on other levels, it will be replaced by something deeper and much more enduring than sexual passion, something we might call "soul passion." Trying to build a family on sexual passion is like building a house on December ice, but founding a marriage on soul passion is building on solid ground.
Couples who feel a sense of failure in the passing of sexual passion are the victims of a childish and false vision of "love" promoted by the fairy tales of Hollywood and romance novels."
And here's my favorite...I might just move to a remote village in China!
"One very interesting exception to this that we discuss in Sex at Dawn is the Mosuo people, of China. Part of their view of romance is that sexual gossip is deeply shameful and must never happen. Each person's sexual autonomy is absolute (men's and women's) and any attempt to limit this essential freedom by innuendo, declarations of jealousy, or any other means is strongly discouraged and ridiculed. As one Mosuo woman put it, "Women and men should not marry, for love is like the seasons—it comes and goes." Of course, the Mosuo have a family system which doesn't depend on married couples to provide social stability."
All in all, his view seems to line up pretty well with mine.