Best ways to cope - advice appreciated, feeling very low at the minute :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011
Best ways to cope - advice appreciated, feeling very low at the minute :(
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 6:31am

I would like to ask partners of LL peeps for any advice on how to deal with lack of intimacy in your relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
The best thing you can do is adjust your mentality. He's not rejecting YOU, he's not interested in sex at all the times you are. It's conditional, situational, and NOT personal. Please, don't get all hung up on "but it IS personal" because that kind of thinking isn't going to help you. That's not the way the LL sees it, and as a rule that's not what they mean when they refuse sex.

Don't look to someone else to prop up your vision of yourself. Make peace with the idea that self-esteem comes from within. Find things to do that make you feel good about you, whether thats a dance class, weight lifting, volunteering at a charity organization or building a chicken coop.

Also, know that it is agonizing from the other side of the fence too. The LL deals with feeling not good enough. But they cannot feel what they don't feel. If you catch yourself brooding, remind yourself of the other side of the fence, and do something else, change the focus, eliminate the stinkin thinkin.

that's all I've got. Good luck with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Can't say it any better than Miranda. In short, find things that truly fulfil you -- and do them.