Boyfriend has low sex drive amongst other things HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Boyfriend has low sex drive amongst other things HELP!
5
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 10:56pm

I am a 37 year old female. I also have paranoid schizophrenia. I met my boyfriend 3 years ago in group therapy at the local hospital. He is the first and only man I have ever experienced sex with. The trouble is, I lost my virginity at age 36 and we have had sex a total of 4 times to date. I yearn for more passion in the relationship which is sadly lacking. I suggested to my boyfriend that he change his antidepressant (he also has schizophrenia with depression and takes prozac along with risperdone) but he refuses to see his psychiatrist and have the meds changed. I have also suggested couples therapy and he refuses this as well. To top it all off, I have never experienced an orgasim during sex. I am always made to feel pushy when I suggest we leave the house to do things (even simple things, like going out for a milkshake at Mcdonalds).

He tells me that this is all normal and that basically that I'm some sort of an oversexed nymphomanic when I know that I'm definately not. I like doing active things like going to the gym and exercising and he is usually quite passive and sits in front of the T.V watching cartoons. We both live with our parents and take turns staying at each other's houses, until we get our own place (we are on a list for a geared to income apartment, since we are both on disability). I "think" I love him in spite of this, but when we stay at each other's houses, I feel like some sort of elementary school student spending time with a friend for a sleepover. I want a lover not just a room mate to play house with. He is a good "friend" , but is there any way that the sexual chemistry be changed for the better? Should I stay in this relationship, or is this the end? If it is the end how likely is it for me to find someone else who I can feel comfortable to do even the silliest things like burp and fart in each other's presence? I fear loneliness. I have waited for such a long time to find someone to spend my life with. I feel hesitant to end the relationship for fear that a woman my age (and my mental condition) would not likely find anyone better.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

..please consider the fact that he is trying to make you feel broken because of your sexual needs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004

Dating is for finding someone compatible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Very good point, Magnaniman! It is tempting to try to get together with someone who has similar problems to yourself, because they understand so well what you struggle with, but it is seldom a good strategy. Better to find someone who is kind, and giving, and patient and willing to work to understand you and your needs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007

Just because you waited too long doesnt mean you should settle down with someone with whom your basic needs are not being met except you have some things in common, are friends or share a similar background or that you love them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010

My opinion is what you see is what you will get...He will not change...You will...You have now tasted sexual love...This special part of you has now been awakened...It will not forget this lesson in life....In fact it will grow as you age...Never fear that as you age that you get less sexually oriented as I believe it is just the opposite...If it isn't, then I have one heck of a problem......However, a man of