can someone please explain this?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
can someone please explain this?!
9
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 9:27pm

My boyfriend and I have only been together for over a year now but we are in a very serious relationship. We are expecting a child in April and being pregnant, my libido has gone up and I want it once or twice a day. But right before we got pregnant, our sex life started going downhill. He only wants it every 4 days (I've been keeping track on a calendar, sometime it's longer than that but never less than every 3 days). Last time we had sex was 3 days ago and before that we had gone 8days without having sex!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 4:53am

Did you have any problems conceiving?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 7:10am

I guess I've been on this site for too long because it baffles me when people complain that they can't get sex once (or more) times per day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 8:57am
>>I guess I've been on this site for too long because it baffles me when people complain that they can't get sex once (or more) times per day. I just don't think that's realistic for the vast majority of people after a certain point in the relationship. You can't force someone to feel something they don't. He may be willing to compromise a bit as far as having more sex (maybe a few times per week) but don't expect him to initiate and don't expect him to manufacture passion he just doesn't feel.<<

Magnaniman, thanks for saying this. I SO wanted to, but knew as a LL, I might get bashed for saying that a HL expecting sex that much was unrealistic and unreasonable. One thing I'd like to point out is that expecting more and pressuring for more will make any kind of fire or passion pretty much impossible for the LL partner in the relationship. If you make it seem like WORK, the LL will feel like it's work, and will treat it like work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 10:13am

You have been together for a year, your 3months pregnant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 1:03pm
While I appreciate your honesty, It's not that I expect it once a day or more, that's just how often I feel like I want it. And it's gotten to the point where once a week is all I get it. Before we got pregnant and before it started going down, we were doing it 4 to 5 times a week, sometimes more. Rarely less. I started tracking it because we had wanted to get pregnant and I wanted to be able to track the sex to pinpoint a better guess of the date of conception than a doctor could give me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 1:06pm
I understand that and you've given me the best answer so far. I wasn't sure if it was my hormones or if our love life is destined to be over soon. I put my hormones as top of the list but I was hoping for some advice on how to get it at least twice a week because the lack of sex makes me feel as if he doesn't care for me physically anymore even though we hold hand, kiss, cuddle, all that other stuff. And the pressure of being a father as someone suggested? I already said, we talk things out when there is things bothering us or that are just on our mind. Sex is the one thing he seems close-minded to talking about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 1:24pm

I was hoping for some advice on how to get it at least twice a week

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 3:23pm

Remeber too that sex during pregnancy for some men, is a complete turn off,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 3:30pm
>>if this is the way its going to be you cant turn it into "he doesnt love me or care for me physically' cause thats not fair, at that point you wil lhave to figure out a way to boost your own ego in that regard, cause that not his responsibility.

There will be times in a relationship/marriage, that sex just doesnt happen. When you have this baby, you wont be having sex for 6 weeks. If one of you has to go away for some period, if one of you is ill. What if he could never have sex for some reason, would you still be with him? We hold too much value in the act itself to give our relationship validity, think about those circumstances and whats happening now probably wont look so bleak <<

Well said, secondchance! I can think of dozens of reasons why two people might not be able to have sex. Do none of the people in those circumstances have love? Christopher Reeve and his wife Dana come to mind. He couldn't MOVE, did that mean he didn't love her? My aunt and her husband love each other very much, but lifelong diabetes has made getting an erection all but impossible for him. They work with it.