"Coming out" about ML

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
"Coming out" about ML
88
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:28am

I wondered what experience people had of "coming out" about ML,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:52am

I've been brazenly honest with family and friends about my loss of libido. I figure if I am not, then DH will "out" me anyways with his complaining. I have said how sad I am about it, and how it distresses me. I've recounted stories of doctors and attempted "fixes" that haven't fixed anything.

I don't feel guilty or ashamed, nor do I need to hide anything, but the specifics of what goes on inside my relationship and its dynamics are not so public.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:28am
I would not feel comfortable discussing this with hardly anyone. I can think of a few people with whom I might discuss it if the topic came up organically, but I would not initiate the conversation. I just don't like discussing my personal life with anyone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 1:10pm

I just don't like discussing my personal life with anyone else.


I think I understand - I was similar, but desperation gave me wings.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 1:34pm
I discussed this in the past.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 1:36pm
...sitting on a bit of counseling sessions (mostly couple's situations) I've related experiences during from first marriage...but, with no negative reactions...it can't be down played that it is VERY acceptable to be female and have a low libido...especially, married women with young children...it's only becomes sexy to be a mommy when the stereotypes reach 40...according to the media/entertainment outlets...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:41pm

To this day I've only told 3 people that ML was the big impetus for my last breakup, and only 2 of those led to any constructive conversation. This was all after-the-fact too; while experiencing it I kept it all to myself...didn't even post on this board at the time (despite anonymity) though I lurked off and on.

"I now proud and pleased that I did come out, both because I am being authentic and true to myself, because it actually helped improve my ML situation, and now because I do want to bear witness to the pain and nonsense that's involved with some of the strange standards of society, and how those infect real people."

That is a great sentence. I, too, feel this is an issue quite prevalent in our society, but woefully under-discussed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:49pm

Mrs. Hold went ballistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:54pm

Z, are you like an assistant in counselling or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:59pm

So was it a strong desire for privacy or were you embarrassed or ashamed of the situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 4:03pm

“So was it a strong desire for privacy or were you embarrassed or ashamed of the situation?”

A little of both. My circle at the time included other couples or Christian co-workers. Discussing sex life with family was off-limits. And, for some reason, I felt the need to project an image of domestic bliss to my long-term girlfriends and usual confidantes (a few which were eventually told).

Mostly, I was young (early/mid-20s) and just couldn’t conceive of someone being a long-term LL. I was holding out for changes that he promised (but never delivered).

I agree, the “it’s just sex!” was a well-used rationalization I told myself over the years. The fact it kept bubbling to the surface so often and painfully (I’d break down if I saw a sex scene in a movie) finally convinced me it was anything but trivial.

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