I wondered what experience people had of "coming out" about ML,
I've been brazenly honest with family and friends about my loss of libido. I figure if I am not, then DH will "out" me anyways with his complaining. I have said how sad I am about it, and how it distresses me. I've recounted stories of doctors and attempted "fixes" that haven't fixed anything.
I don't feel guilty or ashamed, nor do I need to hide anything, but the specifics of what goes on inside my relationship and its dynamics are not so public.
I just don't like discussing my personal life with anyone else.
I think I understand - I was similar, but desperation gave me wings.
When you see it coming, duck!
To this day I've only told 3 people that ML was the big impetus for my last breakup, and only 2 of those led to any constructive conversation. This was all after-the-fact too; while experiencing it I kept it all to myself...didn't even post on this board at the time (despite anonymity) though I lurked off and on.
"I now proud and pleased that I did come out, both because I am being authentic and true to myself, because it actually helped improve my ML situation, and now because I do want to bear witness to the pain and nonsense that's involved with some of the strange standards of society, and how those infect real people."
That is a great sentence. I, too, feel this is an issue quite prevalent in our society, but woefully under-discussed.
Mrs. Hold went ballistic.
Z, are you like an assistant in counselling or what?
So was it a strong desire for privacy or were you embarrassed or ashamed of the situation?
“So was it a strong desire for privacy or were you embarrassed or ashamed of the situation?”
A little of both. My circle at the time included other couples or Christian co-workers. Discussing sex life with family was off-limits. And, for some reason, I felt the need to project an image of domestic bliss to my long-term girlfriends and usual confidantes (a few which were eventually told).
Mostly, I was young (early/mid-20s) and just couldn’t conceive of someone being a long-term LL. I was holding out for changes that he promised (but never delivered).
I agree, the “it’s just sex!” was a well-used rationalization I told myself over the years. The fact it kept bubbling to the surface so often and painfully (I’d break down if I saw a sex scene in a movie) finally convinced me it was anything but trivial.