crazy rant from an HL male with LL wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
crazy rant from an HL male with LL wife
14
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 2:50am

So let me get something straight:

Sex is not important enough to be requirement for the maintenance of a marriage yet it's important enough to be the basis for divorce in the case of infidelity.

What if I said "Hey honey, you're a fat pig, so I'm going to have sex with other women because I don't find you desirable, and sex without desire is coercive to me…"

Clearly this attitude is offensive and abrasive; but how far off is the detached and cold indifference of a wife who has no emotional investment in the sexual well-being of her husband? It's merely a vocalization of the same sentiment. Perhaps it's worse because at least there is communication in the verbalization.

I might be naive, but it boggles my mind that women think they have no responsibility when it comes to maintaining a sex life with their husbands. If you want the luxury of a modern relationship based on one long-term life partner, you need to buck thousands of years of evolutionary engineering to prevent your husband from straying. This might mean leaving the orbit of your self centered female universe and consider doing something that might inconvenience your ovaries.

And before you tell me to "romance her with candles" or "take her on a romantic getaway" let me tell you that $200 and cheap motel room works too. Only, the easier alternative will lead to disintegration of the marriage and ultimate failure.

Which, of course, is the husband's fault, right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 5:35am

Ach, I can tell you're the type who acts like a coercive domineering patriarch because you want sex with your wife and ask for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 6:51am

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Not knowing about your experience and views, the OP may not realize that this statement is tongue-in-cheek. Just wanted to set the record straight in case he got offended.

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 6:59am
Thanks FLM, you're right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 7:04am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 7:04am

I am not sure how much of your rant is meant literally, what is possibly intended to be funny and what is simply an expression of frustration.

But I just wished to assure you that many wives/long-term partners considers sex to be very important and many men do not. Women in general do not feel the way you are portraying, even if your particular wife does. We are quite a varied bunch.




Edited 6/15/2010 7:05 am ET by muff-muff
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 8:27am
...just wanted to back up FLM and tell you that mol42 is a funny guy...so take his comment that way...and, even though I am the LL in my relationship, I agree with you...I do wonder, though...has your wife experienced any sort of sexual trauma?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 8:29am

Yes, you are correct, you sound very naive. It takes a naive person to put some silly little responsibility (ie. your sex drive) onto your wife. Let me educate you a little... your needs are your responsibility - nobody else's. Not your wife's. Not your great aunt Bertha's. Yours.

Your wife has no responsibility in this matter at all. If you aren't happy - leave. Nobody has chained you to the house/sink/stove/whatever. Stop whinging at your wife and making her life miserable for some silly inane reason such as this. YOU have the power to change things, nobody else. Blaming your wife is a cop-out. If you aren't happy with the sex then give your wife a bit of respect (sounds like you don't have much for her in your post) and amicably part.

There are plenty of women out there that love sex. Really, really love sex. Unfortunately they aren't much in the personality department but hey - good sex is the PINNACLE of life right? Why let something so insignificant as a personality/values/opinions/love hold you back?

Go get 'em, champ!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 8:34am

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...a very telling response...how do you know that women that love sex have little in the personality department???...are you using me as your sole example???...I love sex with my man...and, I love my man, he loves sex...I knew that when I married him...his happiness is important to me...he connects sex with emotional bonding...I want to be emotionally bonded to him..he goes out of his way to do those things that make me feel bonded to him...I go out of my way to stretch out of my comfort zone to be a part of his sexual fulfillment...(last night and this morning)...and, in high school I was voted "best personality"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 8:56am

>>There are plenty of women out there that love sex. Really, really love sex. Unfortunately they aren't much in the personality department<<

Huh???

Usually I find that people who really enjoy sex are full of life and energy. They are usually in good physical shape, athletic, and enthusiastic in all areas of life. They are usually people-orientated and optimistic.

Things which kill libido are depression, being out of shape, laziness, bitterness, being a misanthrope, etc.

Of course, there are plenty of exceptions- there are many in-shape and energetic folks who don't enjoy sex and there are many angry, bitter, pessimistic folks who do.

In general, however, I much prefer the personality and attitude of folks who DO enjoy sex. My wife has been both LL and HL and she is MUCH MORE FUN GENERALLY when she is sexual. . . more playful, more energetic, more likely to want to have fun- not just sexually, but fun in general.




Edited 6/15/2010 9:11 am ET by dadguy23
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 2:25pm

This is not exclusive to poor undersexed husbands - there are A LOT of women in your shoes who are HL married to LL.


I think you are right in that you need to make the investment in your marriage to keep the other person happy, however, that "other person" isn't always the husband.


Just sayin'.

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