From what I understand addictive behavior is characterized by the way one behaves when they don't get the substance or stimulus they desire or crave. Not the desire or craving itself. Yes, you are lovingly dependent on your wife for sex. Are you dependent on sex for something that causes you to act out addictive behaviors when you dont get it?
The dependency of a baby
Thanks, I do my best to understand the burden and drain it could put on my partner.
Yet I don't feel that makes it addiction or dependency.
I don't recall anyone ever saying that a desire for sex is in itself pathological. But it stands to reason that an overfocus on sex might cross the line into addiction (just as an overfocus on food, which is as fundamental to the species as sex, can become an addiction). I can't think of any HLs on this board who fall into this category, though.
At the same time, many HLs on this board have complained that when they don't get enough or enthusiastic enough sex, they fall into a deep funk and lose interest in other aspects of their lives. This strikes me as a bit maladaptive, rather than addictive. It reminds me of my own maladaptive response, 15 years ago, to the possibility that I wouldn't be able to have kids. (At 38, there was nothing wrong with my fertility, just my patience.) For a while, I thought that nothing else I did would ever count (including the book that had just been accepted by a publisher) and that I could never be happy again. I sometimes wonder how I would have adapted if I hadn't been able to have kids in the end. If I had continued to wallow in depression and self-pity, this surely wouldn't have been a healthy response.
So that's all I'm suggesting to HLs: Don't let ML take over your life. Seek realistic solutions to the problem and find joy where you can along the way.
Has it been suggested to you personally that your desire for sex is an addiction or is this a just a general notion that you have a very strong reaction against?
Well "overfocus" to an LL might be a normal understandable reaction for an HL.
No, no-one's suggested to me
But if it's not directed at you I'm not sure why you perceive the idea that some people are addicted to and dependent on sex in a unhealthy way as unhelpful or pejorative. Isn't that sweeping dismissal a result of your own 'agenda" or "angle"? This statement stands out as a rather emotional reaction in an otherwise reasoned analysis.
>>And I suppose I've concluded that it's rubbish invented by people with an angle on the situation, unhelpful and pejorative.<<
I went to a yoga class once geared toward "addictions" and was a little amused by all the young people who claimed sex and love addiction issues until I discussed it with a friend who is a long time AA/Alanon member. Sex and the quest to quench emotional neediness can be addictive and self destructive.
I guess if I have an agenda, it's to help other people who are in the situation I was, and to challenge people who make unsubstantiated (and likely unsubstantiatable) claims.