Different levels of misery. / Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Different levels of misery. / Update
23
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 1:18pm

Been a while since I've posted. Not sure if

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin

Pages

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 1:25pm
Sorry to hear how hard this has been for you. Wishing you strength to get through this difficult period. On the bright side, helps me feel better about choosing to stay.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 1:33pm
DMAM, To quote a cliche...it gets better. It really will. Over time the kids will seem less desperate to hang on, because they know it won't be the last time they see you. They'll settle into the new routine, and it will be okay. As to you, you need to make a decision and conscious effort to STOP destroying yourself about this. You sound like you need to get into some individual therapy imo. It will help give you some perspective and some coping skills. YOU did not fail your family. YOU did not destroy their lives (or yours.) YOU are not blame for this catastrophe. It takes two to tango (ooops another cliche, sorry) and it was a collective effort. Oh, hang in there, DMAM, your post about breaks my heart, and I want you to know it doesn't have to be this hard. And you don't deserve to feel this bad!!! YOU DON'T, so don't continue punishing yourself. Get the help, k? Don't let this thing beat you down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 2:36pm
I agree with everything Miranda said. The way you're feeling now is TEMPORARY. Don't lose sight of that. I'm confident that it will not only get better, but better than it was in your married life, and you'll be posting on here to let us know how good it is. I know that seems hard to believe right now, but I fully believe it. One day at a time -- you'll come out of this just fine.

Freelance
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 4:22pm

Hey DMAM, I am sorry it is going so rough for you so far. I know this is hard, but like the others said, it will get better, My

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 6:56am

Dman, you were there for them for years,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 8:31am

Thanks everyone! Funny how this is a place of strangers, where no matter which side of the ML fence you sit on, you can always find support. Its the place that helped me keep my sanity for many years. Its also been the place where DW found out about my HSS , and now its the place I come to look for comfort and post so that others can learn from my experiences.

I am not sure that anything I felt or endured with DW is as painful as what I am going through now. They say hind site is 20/20. Maybe if I had learned to see things differently the MLr wouldn't had made me feel so miserable. But I was, an I am very convinced the ML is a symptom of the disease and not the other way around. So really I know I was fighting a battle I could not win or even stalemate on.

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 8:48am

DMAM, I hope you are kidding. I know you know how much your kids need you right now, and having a drunk for a a father doesn;t do anyone any good.

Yes, its painful for

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 6:26am


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 9:04am
High School Sweetheart
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 8:28pm

deedle7544 wrote:
One thing my SO pointed out to me now. He feels very strongly that it is the best thing in the world for the kids to see their parents in a new and healthy relationship.


Some kids, especially older ones, do not enjoy seeing their parents in a new relationship. Sometimes the kids resent the presence of the person who replaced their mother (for example), especially when the new relationship began before the divorce, during the divorce, or shortly after the divorce. The kids need time to grieve the end of their old family before their parents show off new attachments. It's usually far better to wait until things have settled down before springing a new romantic partner on the kids.

Pages