Erectile Dysfunction VS My Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2010
Erectile Dysfunction VS My Relationship
73
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 12:02am

My boyfriend and I are at opposite ends of the sexual desire spectrum.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 12:03pm

<< I am at a total loss as to what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 12:32pm

It is not that he is selfish and refuses to pleasure me, but it just doesn't seem to cross his mind at all.


I'm feeling that it is unlikely that it doesn't cross his mind, it's more likely that he is acutely aware of it, but has found a coping strategy, which is to avoid sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 2:28pm

"I will not let ED distroy my wonderful relationship " Oh dear,its not in your hands to fix it,you must understand this.Thats how he is despite of taking medication and trying by other means.Its not gonna change.You either get out of it or learn to live with it.

"He just literally has no desire, and I'm not going to force him." Then why this post??You WILL need sexual satisfaction,dont fool yourself.If there was a magic pill,LL and HH ,both will take one and there never will be a problem again !

"For the time being I am able to dismiss my frusteration." Give yourself a time line so you wont have regrets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2009
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:43pm

How long have you been together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 05-15-2010 - 1:21pm
"I am at a total loss as to what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 9:48pm

Have you tried c**k rings? A c**k ring holds the blood in the penis so the erection does no subside. Did he say what was the underlying cause of the ED? The male is in many ways much more vulnerable because he must get a erection. A female can use lube.
Once a person has that negative experience idea in their mind it is very difficult to wean it away the fear stays and the concentration is very difficult with out the mind being involved it becomes more difficult. I myself have had those time when the equipment had a mind of it's own. It takes a understanding partner to get one relaxed. In this case a sex therapist may be in order.

PS sorry about the use of** but the nanny won't let us use correct terminology


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 5:43pm
I have tried...shall we call them "collars"?...and I have personally found them to be ineffective for ED. Your mileage may vary. At times when I can't get erect in the first place, the collar has nothing to hold onto.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 7:22am

So in spite of his ED,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 05-24-2010 - 10:34am

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I agree with you that ED often serves as a "cover" for lack of arousal. But I wouldn't say the dude is necessarily gay. Maybe he just has few sexual turn-ons -- such men DO exist.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 11:06am

I can understand your frustration.

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