Fairness and Envy in ML

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fairness and Envy in ML
17
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:23am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 2:01pm
Fascinating idea...will have to think about it some. I look forward to reading what other people think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 2:59pm
I don't think the "unfair" reaction is limited to sexual response. I honestly believe that MANY ML issues are a result of the LL using sex as a way to either even things out or send a message or punish.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 4:15pm
Could you be a bit more specific or give examples?
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 5:18pm
For me, the HL, I think the envy works the other way.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 4:02am

I don't think that LLs are the only ones who react spitefully to being envious of their partner.


Indeed not, good point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 8:32am

I've been thinking about this one a bit since yesterday. For me, the fairness angle comes into play in that I feel that I do and give a lot more than I really need to because that's just how I am. There are times when my DW takes this for granted or comes to expect even more on top of what I already do. This really, really irks me because I am much more tolerant of her and expect far less from her than she does of me.

It goes beyond our ML issue, though it has certainly manifested there as well before things improved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 8:53am

>>I've been thinking about this one a bit since yesterday. For me, the fairness angle comes into play in that I feel that I do and give a lot more than I really need to because that's just how I am. There are times when my DW takes this for granted or comes to expect even more on top of what I already do. This really, really irks me because I am much more tolerant of her and expect far less from her than she does of me.

It goes beyond our ML issue, though it has certainly manifested there as well before things improved.<<

I feel this way a lot of the time also. I do so much for him on a day to day basis, for which is isn't really all that appreciative, he frequently criticizes the way I do those things, and then heaps more upon me without thinking twice.

Why would I want to do more for him?

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 8:55am

One of the

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 9:02am
...could be effective...I would however worry about children that are older picking up on the emotional distance...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 9:26am
I don't think it's unhealthy for children to see emotional distance once they're at the age where they notice it. Sometimes emotional distance is needed in marriage and they should understand that.

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