On feeling like a sex object

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
On feeling like a sex object
46
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 4:14pm

(deleted post)

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 4:26pm
I don't have that problem, and I don't think I ever have. When I was HL I liked being seen that way, and it wouldn't bother me to be seen that way now (although I cannot imagine anyone seeing me that way in my current state, middle aged, graying, pudgy and plain.)

Sorry I can't help you more with this one, TG. It's just never been that big a deal to me, and I don't feel that my DH views me that way now. It's the whole package he wants, not just sex with someone he finds attractive. I know this for certain cause he's free to seek sex with others, and a lot of times chooses against it, because sex or no sex, he would rather be with me than spend time elsewhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2011
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 4:31pm
HL man.
My take on it is that a woman should be happy when a man desires her. It means she is awesome besides having a vagina and tits.
When a man wants to have passionate sex with his woman a lot, its usually because he truly loves her. Its saying i love you, physically and not verbally (which is stronger in my opinion).
Don't get me wrong. Its also saying "you're hot", but I think you should take that as a compliment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 4:35pm

As long as the emotional connection is there, even as a woman,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 4:42pm
>>For instance, last night she needed a shoulder to cry on and even though she never alluded to what was making her sad and was trying hard to get into the mood, I picked up on it about half way into the foreplay that I was initiating, stopped, then spent the next 90 minutes wiping tears off her face<<

Awwwww.....this is one of the problems I had with my DH. To him, sex makes everything all better. He cannot fathom "not being in the mood" or an "innapropriate time" for sex. He kept thinking he was making me feel better because he wanted to have sex with me, when sometimes what I needed was what you are getting at here. He's learned, but it's been a long road. Now he knows that sometimes I have to be "let off the hook" entirely or able to give him a quick hj, and move on to other things
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 5:02pm

a lot of women complain about feeling like a sex object

My feeling is that this either happens because the guy isn't being sensitive to her feelings or is mainly focussed on himself or his own pleasure; or alternatively, it's because of unhelpful attitudes in the woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 5:04pm

Well, sex tends to make things all better for my gf too.

In fact, she text me an hour after I left last night (no sex b/t us mind you) to tell me that she masturbated and it was especially good -

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 5:25pm

"HL Men, please feel free to comment on how you think your LL W feels about this."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 8:57pm

The only time it's ever been an issue in my marriage was when I began to feel like all he was ever interested in was sex. Not talking to me, not doing things with me, just sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 10:26pm

Speaking for w, I see evidence of the following thoughts and feelings in her regarding my HL (in this order of frequency and intensity):

1. She thinks I'm broken and/or all men are broken. Seeing me (and all men) as one-dimensional helps her feel superior and justify taking control of as many things as possible in our family. If she didn't, this sex-addicted man would screw everything up (literally).

2. She worries that my (past) using her as a sex object leads me to see

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 10:16am

IMO all women secretly want to feel like a sex object.

Pages